Betsi & Beckett

It's About a Boy Who Shoots a Puppy

2011-10-01T19:21:00.003-05:00

I would have just put this on Facebook, but it really needs the space my blog provides it. This is Beckett at his best.

Picture it: Earlier this afternoon. My parent's living room. Beckett has decided he needs something to listen to so we can "have that party" (it's a dance party, by the way). While rifling through the CDs by the stereo in the living room, he knocks them all on the floor, bends over to pick them up, but returns with only a tape in his hands. He starts trying to put it in the tape player because we just have to listen to the tape. What's on this tape, you ask? Are you ready? According to Beckett, on this tape is "a story about a boy who shoots a puppy."

I'm gonna let that sink in. It took about 3 seconds for it to register at the time. When it did, my dad and I looked at each other quizzically, and the burst out into laughter.

"That sounds really great, Beckett," said my dad, trying his hardest to speak through the laughter.

"Heartwarming," I said through tears because I was crying from laughing so hard.

We continue to laugh, Beckett continues to look confused. He gives up his quest to have us listen to the timeless and loving story of the boy who shoots his dog. He walks out of the room, leaving all the CDs in a pile on the floor. He can't get any respect in this house.

I walked over to the corner to pick up the mess B had made and while stacking all the CDs and the cases, I come across this:

This is the case that Beckett's tape came out of. And, yep, that is a picture of someone holding a gun to that dog's head. "Ooooohhhhhh," I said as I started to giggle. I turned the case to my dad. "Well," he replies, "that is a dog getting shot." We continued laughing.

"I'm just glad he didn't come up with shooting a dog out of his own little brain," I tell my dad, relieved that my child is not a sociopath.

Two hours later we were still laughing about it. I'm still laughing about it now.

Come On Over

2011-08-21T15:45:00.000-05:00

First post on the new blog is up. You can read it and follow me here. This blog will still be active for stories about Beckett and what not. Speaking of B, he started kindergarten a week ago. It's cliched to say, but I really can't believe that he's 5 and had started "real" school. He informed me that he is part of the class of 2024 and I almost died. 2024?!? I have a sneaking suspicion it will be here before I know it.

Put in a Good Word for Me

2011-07-06T09:29:00.000-05:00

After yesterday's foray into burdens of proof and the worthiness of our justice system, maybe it's time I get back to something a little lighter. Since law school ended, I have had an inordinate amount of time to read. And not read about copyrights or wrongful birth or adoptions or anything else that someone else has decided I should read about. I started with Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. I have had this book on the shelf for almost a year. It waited patiently for me to decide I actually wanted to read it. I never knew how much I really wanted to read that book.

So many things struck me about this book, but perhaps this most of all:

Giulio said, "Maybe you and Rome just have different words."
"What do you mean?"
He said, "Don't you know the secret to understanding a city and its people is to learn - what is the word of the street?"
Then he went on to explain . . . that every city has a single word that defines it, that identifies most of the people who live there. Whatever the majority thought might be - that is the word of the city. And if your personal word does not match the word of the city, you really don't belong there.
"What is Rome's word?" I asked.
"SEX," he announced.

Giulio was already on to the next and most obvious question: "What's your word?" (103-104)

When I read a book for pleasure, I still read like a student. I have a pencil in hand. I underline important passages. I write notes in the margins. I use an index card as a bookmark and write longer notes or things I'd like to look up or words I want to know or anything I feel needs further research. My index card for Eat Pray Love reads something like this:

108
Bali: caste system
Snakes
It's not like tying the cat to the pole
How do I define pleasure?
What is my WORD?
Rumi
Hafiz
Buddha
St. Teresa
Sufi mystics
Kabir
Sanskrit texts on yoga
Upanishads
Fred B. Eiseman

In trying to momentarily escape from my own mixed-up universe, I create more work for myself. This makes me think my word is MASOCHIST. Or maybe that makes my word CURIOUS. After all, George does have a friend named Betsy. But I haven't landed on one word yet.

Gilbert discusses a million things in this book: love, divorce, religion, God, friendship, soul mates, writing, meditation, soul searching - the list goes on. Gilbert put into words what I had been trying to articulate for years - a comforting thing in a book. I tend to get sucked into the world of a book very quickly and whole-heartedly (see this post for an example). I think it's my favorite part of reading. Gilbert made me want to go to Italy, India, and Indonesia without passing "GO" and without a second thought. Maybe that makes my word IMPRESSIONABLE.

Happiness is the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it. You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings. -E. Gilbert, Eat Pray Love (260).

A Murder Most Foul

2011-07-05T19:14:00.001-05:00

As I was awaiting the jury's verdict in the Casey Anthony trial today, I couldn't help but think back to the fall of 1995. Sixteen years ago, the country was waiting on the verdict in the O.J. Simpson trial. These two situations are so strikingly similar, but the audience - me - so markedly different. Then, I was a wide-eyed 11 year old, a girl who thought that if you were charged with murder, you must certainly be guilty. Today, I am a 27 year old and the proud owner of one law degree and 16 years of life experience. Then, it was easy to see things as black or white. Today, I know that life sometimes is lived out in the grey area between the two. I still remember the utter helplessness and disbelief upon hearing "not guilty" 16 years ago - and, to an extent, I relived that same disbelief today.

But therein lies the difference between an 11 year old school girl and a 27 year old with a law degree. The funny thing about life is that some lessons can't be unlearned. Some concepts can't be unheard. An overwhelming majority of this country believes Casey Anthony murdered her daughter - and you can count me as part of that majority. I say I only relived that feeling "to an extent" because of what I know now. Then, beyond a reasonable doubt was nothing more than a string of words, an abstract concept, something the actors playing lawyers said on television. Today, beyond a reasonable doubt is something I know, something I was tested on, asked about, expected to be able to explain. And one thing I know about it is that it is the highest burden that one can be asked to prove -higher than clear and convincing evidence and higher than a preponderance of the evidence. This standard requires that the prosecution prove that no other logical explanation can be derived from the facts, except that the defendant committed the crime, thereby overcoming the presumption that one is innocent until proven guilty.

A lot of people want to blame our justice system for this seeming miscarriage of justice. I suppose when angered, it is easy to point fingers and lay blame. And what bears the brunt of this blame is the system. I, however, believe in the system. Maybe it's because I went to law school, maybe it's because I am unfailingly idealistic, maybe it's because I'm naive -- but maybe, just maybe, it's because the system works. We have a justice system that presumes innocence, that provides for the rights of all who come before it, that strives for fairness in light of the immense burden placed upon it. But it is a system run by people. And we are, after all, just people. People capable of making sound and independent decisions, but also capable of falling under the influence and opinion of others. People committed to justice and reason, but people who are not impervious to passion and emotion. We are also people who want to believe, but are quick to mistrust. So it is with the general perception of the justice system. I think people find disturbing and frightening the possibility that the guilty will go free, allowed to walk among us, as if their crime did not occur. But are people as righteously indignant at the possibility that the innocent will be locked away, restricted in every way, for something they did not do?

But I digress. I think the point of this blog is to remember, if only momentarily, what it was like to watch the outcome of a trial with no knowledge of who was who, what was what, or what anything actually meant. I was taken back to a time when "not guilty" meant "innocent," if only to me. When I started law school just shy of 3 years ago, I really had no idea what I was getting myself into. I don't think it ever dawned on me that I would no longer be a simple spectator to anything in a courtroom. For weeks, we have been watching the trial, discussing the questions asked of the witnesses, critiquing the theories of both sides, and speculating as to what the jurors might be thinking. Without a law degree, I might have been able to express my outrage at the outcome of this trial a little louder, with a little more shock, and a lot more emphasis. But this is no longer then case. I must admit, about 5 minutes before the verdict was read, I felt in my gut that the jury would file back in and, in unanimous agreement, find Casey Anthony "not guilty." But I'm old enough, and wise enough, now to know that means anything but "innocent."

Murder most foul, as in the best it is,/ But this most foul, strange, and unnatural.
-W. Shakespeare, Hamlet, I.v.28-29

Come Live With Me and Be My Love

2011-06-23T15:04:00.002-05:00

Part of the blog challenge I was doing was to write a letter to someone that you would never send. This isn't really something I wanted to do, seeing as how it seemed quite personal, but I think I've got it figured out. I'm going to write Jon Krakauer a love letter. I just finished reading Into Thin Air by Krakauer, and another of his books, Into the Wild, has been one of my favorite books for years. Into Thin Air (read the Times review here), is Krakauer's personal account of the disaster on Mt. Everest in May 1996. There is something about the way that Krakauer writes that makes me want to do the most insane things -- yesterday, I thought, well, maybe I could climb Everest. And after I read Into the Wild 7 years ago, burning all of my money and hitchhiking to Alaska sounded like an amazing time, even if the experience might end with me frozen to death in an abandoned van.

I grew up with an ambition and determination without which, I would have been a good deal happier. I thought a lot and developed the far-away look of a dreamer, for it was always the distant heights which fascinated me and drew me to them in spirit. I was not sure what could be accomplished by means of tenacity and little else, but the target was set high and each rebuff only saw me more determined to see at least one major dream through to its fulfillment.
-Earl Denman, Alone to Everest, quoted by Krakauer in Into the Wild

But I don't just love Krakauer for the crazy ideas he puts in my mind, I love him for his vocabulary. Into Thin Air is 374 pages long. Contained in those pages were 51 words that I did not know the definition of. Well, I knew the definition to some of them, but not the exact definition. I could figure out the meaning of the rest because of the context and not knowing the exact definition did not hinder my reading in any way. But this is not good enough for me. I have a sick fascination with words, with the written word, and with the people who get to string them together for a living. I looked up the proper definition of all 51 words, typed them into a Word document, folded this paper in half and placed it inside the book for the next reader. While I already knew generally what loquacious, ebullient, and vertiginous mean, I needed to know Mr. Webster's idea of what those words mean. In addition to the words I knew, I learned a handful of new words to work into my vocabulary -- peripatetic, mellifluous, parvenus, crepuscular, prevarication, carapace, and mirabile visu, to name a few. Sometimes it's nice to be reminded that I don't know nearly as much as I think I do.

I guess I never got around to actually writing a letter, but I think you get the point.

Is it not a joy to learn? And to practice and share what you have learned? -Kung Fu-tze

On a related note, I want this book.

Happy Father's Day!

2011-06-19T22:02:00.001-05:00

"There are 3 stages in a man's life: First, he believes in Santa; then, he doesn't believe in Santa; and finally, he becomes Santa."

Happy Father's Day to my Santa Claus (and Beckett's, too!)

If I know anything about cars, it's because of you. I think we both know my knowledge is limited, but I do know Chevy is better than Ford.

I own and love The Outlaw Josey Wales because it's your favorite. And I have a special place in my heart for all things Clint Eastwood because you love all of his movies (except The Unforgiven, which I have never seen).

I can't go to any antique mall, thrift store, or other store where there is furniture without thinking of almost every piece, "It's nice, but why would I pay for it when my Dad could make it better?"

I love my Auburn Tigers, but I have a soft spot for the Georgia Bulldogs. That's all your fault.

I know every word to every Garth Brooks song. You guessed it: you did that, too.

And if I have every been described as outgoing, talkative, or funny (my favorite things about me), it's because I get those things from you.

Thanks, Dad.

A Sadness in My Heart Like Stone

2011-06-13T20:02:00.001-05:00

Those of you who know me even the slighest bit know that I love to read. I just finished Diary by Chuck Palahniuk (which was not my favorite of his) and am in the middle of Beloved by Toni Morrison (good, but I think I liked The Bluest Eye better) and Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. Also, I am rereading The House on Mango Street by Sandra Cisneros (who I love, especially Loose Woman).

On other fronts, the move to Newnan (for me at least) has been very slow. I just brought another car load of my things to the new apartment and there are probably two car loads left to bring. I spent the better part of today hanging pictures and putting books on shelves -- basically making my room my home. It may sound materialistic, but I like my things. I mean, really like my things. Or maybe what my things mean. I found hundreds of old pictures, my first drivers license, cards, wedding invitations, and a myriad of other things I've collected in 27 years. I found a scrapbook my best friend made for me when I moved from Dothan to Montgomery when I was 13, my senior yearbook, the ticket from the Dave Matthews concert we went to the summer we were 18, my Auburn student ID, and a bunch of Beckett's baby pictures. Recently, I've been feeling, well, out of it. I wouldn't say depressed, just maybe not like myself. These things were a great reminder of what a great life I've had. It's a reminder I desparately needed and welcomed whole-heartedly. A reminder of 27 years of people who have loved me, and more importantly, who I have loved. You all know who you are, from high school to college to law school. I have been a tremendously lucky girl. If I had a scanner near me, I would post some of the pictures here, for they contain the most wonderfully hilarious memories (maybe that will happen soon).

Now, onward to that blog challenge I have so gracefully avoided...

Day Twelve: A Picture of Something You Dislike

I got a lot of problems with a lot of things, and now you have to hear about them. Or read about them.

First and foremost, I am big on table manners. They are very important to me and I will not hesitate to judge you if your mama didn't teach them to you. Or if you weren't smart enough to figure them out for yourself.

And then there's the issue of grammar. I have no idea why the difference between your and you're, or there, their, and they're is so difficult to master, but apparently it is. I also take issue with the use of the following abbreviations: Ur, plz, cuz, etc. But I'm the girl who punctuates and capitalizes text messages, so what do I know?

There are, I'm sure, a million other things that I dislike. But in an effort to get me out of whatever funk I've been in lately, I'm not going to dwell on the negative any longer. Those are two things I dislike without having to think about it, and that will suffice for today.

I think I've posted this poem before, but I love it so much. It's by Sandra Cisneros and appears in Loose Woman, which was given to me by one of my favorite women (and oldest friends), Hillary Ballant Ryan, who you can find here.

There's a poem in my head

like too many cups of coffee.
A pea under twenty eiderdowns.
A sadness in my heart like stone.
A telephone. And always my
Night madness that outs like bats
across this Texas sky.

I'm the crazy lady they warned you about.
The she of rumor talked about -
and worse, who talks.

It's no secret.
I'm here. Under a circle of light.
The light always on, resisting a glass,
an easy cigar. The kind

who reels the twilight sky.
Swoop circling.
I'm witch woman high
on tobacco and holy water.

I'm a woman delighted with her disasters.
They give me something to do.
A profession of sorts.
Keeps me industrious
And of some servicable use.

In dreams the origami of the brain
Opens like a fist, a pomegranate,
an expensive geometry.

Not true.
I haven't a clue
Why I'm rumpled tonight.

Choose your weapon.
Mine--the telephone, my tongue.
Both black as a gun.

I have the magic of words,
the power to charm and kill at will.
To kill myself or to aim haphazardly.
And kill you.

All Over But the Bloggin'

2011-05-25T11:37:00.002-05:00

Before I get to today's blog challenge blog, I must mention that it's finally over. Law school, that is. After three years that have tested me in ways I have never thought possible, it's over. Wearing-the-robe, choked-by-the-hood, walk-across-the-stage, Betsi-Nelson-J.D. OVER.

Day Eleven: A Story About a Past Relationship

One of the reasons I've been slacking in the blog department is this topic. It has become a tiny road block. And not because I couldn't think of a story about a past relationship, but because there are so many. I have spent time thinking of a thousand happy moments, a thousand heartbreaking moments, and a thousand moments that lie somewhere between the two.

First dates, first kisses, and that first break-up. Relationships that were calm and some that were explosive. Those with conversations that started at sunset and didn't end until sunrise and those with fights that started and ended the same way. There were some relationships that ran their course and ended long after they were through. And there has been at least one that ended abruptly and left everything unfinished. There have been relationships where, in learning about someone else, I learned about myself. There have been relationships where everything made sense. And some where, no matter how hard I tried, they couldn't be figured out. There has been love shared, tears shared, secrets shared.

Zora Neale Hurston says that there are years that ask questions and years that answer. Relationships, certainly, work the same way.

"Passion is something you don't really miss, after it has cooled. It is like looking at an empty bottle on the side of the road and thinking, 'Boy, I wish I had a Coke.' The loves you miss are the ones that go away when they are still warm, even hot, to the touch." -Rick Bragg, All Over But the Shoutin'

Don't Tell Mama What You Know

2011-05-08T11:52:00.000-05:00

Day Eight: A Picture of Someone/Something That Has the Biggest Impact on You

Last Thanksgiving, I changed my Facebook status to this: "This year, I am thankful for my friends, without whom law school would not be bearable; my family, without whom law school would not be possible; and Beckett, without whom law school would not be worth it." I stand by this. Since graduation is a mere 2 weeks away, perhaps it is more appropriate than ever before.

My grandmother has this poem framed in her home. I think I've had it memorized since I was six. I'm going to post it, and maybe it will help explain why picking just one person who has had an impact on me would be nearly impossible.

Bits and Pieces

Bits and pieces, bits and pieces. People. People important to you, People unimportant to you cross your life, touch it with love and move on. There are people who leave you and you breathe a sigh of relief and wonder why you ever came into contact with them. There are people who leave you, and you breathe a sigh of remorse and wonder why they had to go and leave such a gaping hole. Children leave parents, friends leave friends. Acquaintances move on. People change homes. People grow apart. Enemies hate and move on. Friends love and move on. You think of the many people who have moved in and out of your hazy memory. You look at those present and wonder. I believe in God's master plan in lives. He moves people in and out of each other's lives, and each leaves his mark on the other. You find you are made up of bits and pieces of all who have ever touched your life. You are more because of them, and would be less if they had not touched you. Pray that you accept the bits and pieces in humility and wonder, and never question and never regret. Bits and pieces, bits and pieces.

-Anonymous

But, I suppose I could try to elaborate.

Beckett, My Slobbering Little Superman: You would have had the biggest impact on me, no matter how you turned out, due to the nature of your arrival. Surprise doesn't even begin to describe it! You have, obviously, changed and impacted my life in a million different ways. Not that I always accepted these changes. We managed to grow up together. And while things have been unimaginably altered by your mere presence, the most obvious of these changes is this: In two weeks, I will have a law degree. And that, puddin' pop, is all because of you.

My Friends: To try to say something about each of you individually would take the rest of the afternoon, so I'll simply say this: "I get by with a little help from my friends." I have said for years that I'm one of the luckiest girls in the world. I have an army of people I consider best friends. You know who you are and I hope you know you are treasured, adored, appreciated, and loved.

There is another group of people that need to be mentioned as having had a great impact on my life, and one in particular. St. James School alums, feel free to make fun, but I have an English degree (which I could not love or enjoy more) because of one person: Dr. Browning, my senior Engligh teacher. I have to give him (at least some) credit for this because of this story: One day after lunch, I was leaving the Fine Arts Building to head to class. I was walking across the quad and who do I see, but Dr. Browning waving at me, trying to get my attention. He made a beeline for me and stopped me to tell me he had just read my personal narrative I had turned in 2 days earlier. And then he told me 2 things that pretty much changed everything: I was smart. And I was funny. While I'm thanking one English teacher, I should probably thank a few more: Dr. Sterling, Dr. Kaufman, and Dr. Silverstein. And for good measure, Professor Baker (you taught me Law and Lit, which after 2 years of law school, helped me remember how much I love studying literature!).

Since today is Mother's Day, here's this:

My Mom, B, and me, Easter, 2007

Mom, our relationship has been, well, contentious for years. I think this is part of the complex mother/daughter relationship. I know that you think I try everything in my power to be nothing like you, and generally, we are very different. But then there's this:

I sit on the bathroom counter to put on my make-up in the mornings because that's how you do it.

My sophomore year of college, I bought the iron I bought because it's the one that you have.

I cook with a dish towel over my shoulder because that's how you cook.

If I love to read, it's because I watched you read voraciously my whole life. (We do, however, have vastly divergent taste).

I have stacks of books everywhere, each with a pencil for a bookmark, because I grew up watching you read multiple books at once.

I'm particular about the way that t-shirts and towels are folded. They have to be folded the way you taught me how to fold them.

If I have a strong work ethic, it's because I watched you pour your heart and soul into your job, even when you thought no one would care that you cared.

I love dogs, but think they belong outside, because that's how you see it.

And I have an address book that, even though everyone's addresses and phone numbers are written neatly inside, every envelope with an address on it I have ever gotten is stuck inside in an delightfully unorganized, yet organized way. That's the way that you do it.

Happy Mother's Day, Mom.

Howard Roark Laughed.

2011-05-06T19:23:00.001-05:00

Day Seven: A Hobby That You Have

Since I suppose that gossiping and gin and tonics would not be an appropriate hobby to discuss here, I will find something else to write about.

Well, there's always reading. If you were to walk into my bedroom right now, you would find a biography of Alexander Hamilton, Beloved by Toni Morrison, and a collection of Pablo Neruda's poetry and my bedside table, all with pencils serving as bookmarks. I am reading all of these, and more. Schindler's List was put back on the shelf yesterday (I'll get back to it one day). I am always rereading Ayn Rand's The Fountainhead and various Shakespeare plays. Basically, I read. A lot.

I also really enjoy painting. Now, I know you must be asking yourself, "Paint? Really?" And to respond, I am not claiming that I am good at it. But I love it.

Is blogging a hobby? Eh, I imagine I don't get around to actually doing it enough to consider it a hobby. But writing. Oh, writing. I love to write. Nothing super important and nothing for anyone but myself, but I love to write. And while some of what I write is cringe-inducing when read again years later, I have the privilege of reliving moments and remembering who I was all those years ago. It's depressing and amazing and thought provoking.

And there's always gossip and gin and tonics.

Other updates:
This week, I have decided to attempt to be vegan. This is decision has drawn a plethora of "what the hell are you thinking," "cheese is awesome", and "meat is delicious. Have you lost your mind?" Allow me to explain. I am not doing this permanently. It's simply something I thought I would see if I could do and I'm using this as sort of a detox period to kick off a healthier lifestyle in general. This week has been relatively successful. I started Monday. Well, maybe "started" is not the right word. I was going to start Monday, but Brandi and I went to watch a trial on Monday and went to lunch with the DA's office for lunch that day. Their pick for lunch? Mexican. Vegan at the mexican restaurant? Nearly impossible. So I guess we can say I started after lunch on Monday. But the rest of the week, I have managed to stick to a non-animal product diet. Right down to the Hot Garlic with tofu I had for dinner tonight at Thai Heaven. I'm not sure how much longer this will last, but I will admit that I am most likely taking a day off tomorrow. We are having a Derby party at the apartment, complete with Hot Browns, bourbon cupcakes, and black-eyed pea salad. Not a vegan day, to say the least.

Because I talked about reading as one of my hobbies, here's a quote from my favorite book:

“I often think that he’s the only one of us who’s achieved immortality. I don’t mean in the sense of fame and I don’t mean that he won’t die some day. But he’s living it. I think he is what the conception really means. You know how people long to be eternal. But they die with every day that passes. When you meet them, they’re not what you met last. In any given hour, they kill some part of themselves. They change, they deny, they contradict–and they call it growth. At the end there’s nothing left, nothing unrevered or unbetrayed; as if there had never been any entity, only a succession of adjectives fading in and out on an unformed mass. How do they expect a permanence which they have never held for a single moment? But Howard–one can imagine him existing forever.”
-Ayn Rand, The Fountainhead

You Can Go Your Own Way

2011-05-03T19:52:00.000-05:00

Hola, faithful blog readers!

Well, 30 days of blogging in a row has proven a difficult task indeed. I have been without the internet for a few days though, so I'll use that inconvenience as a convenient excuse for my absense. Now, where was I?

Day Six: A Picture of a Place You Have Been

Savannah, Georgia: The place I have been most recently. And not only that, the place I was born. We went to Savannah for Spring Break and had an amazing time celebrating St. Patrick's Day!

So, day six: success!

With nothing to do for the next few days, I did a lot of reading this afternoon. Some of my favorites:

I do not love you except because I love you;
I go from loving to not loving you,
From waiting to not waiting for you
My heart moves from cold to fire.

I love you only because it's you the one I love;
I hate you deeply, and hating you
Bend to you, and the measure of my changing love for you
Is that I do not see you but love you blindly.

Maybe January light will consume
My heart with its cruel
Ray, stealing my key to true calm.

In this part of the story I am the one who
Dies, the only one, and I will die of love because I love you,
Because I love you, Love, in fire and blood.
-Pablo Neruda

Well, one of my favorites.

On one last, super happy, note, Glee is doing Fleetwood Mac songs tonight. LOVE.

It's Sevens Ev'ry Roll

2011-04-26T06:09:00.002-05:00

Let's say blogging is that proverbial wagon you fall off.
Let's also say that wagon is on the Oregon Trail.
Well, yesterday, I broke my arm. But no worries, I paid a fellow traveler $25 dollars to help me, took one day of rest, and awoke today, ready to hit the trail again. I am, however, a day behind, so I'll have to double time it to make it to Oregon before winter.

Day Four: A Habit I Wish I Didn't Have

-I correct people's grammar. All the time. It's a sick compulsion. I should really stop. But there are few things that assault my ears like the misuse of "me" and "I" (think: Brandi and I went to movies or Would you like to go to the movies with Brandi and me?). This extends to Facebook and texts (there, their, they're; your, you're and shorthand such as u, thx, ur welcome, plz, etc.)
**Also, Hillary and I are always sending each other examples of people making words up (What exactly is a "worldwind?"). I suppose, though, that is a habit I like because stupid people, while infuriating, are hilarious.

I feel certain there are plenty other habits I should get rid of, so feel free to leave me a constructive comment should the mood strike you.

Oh, wow, the reason I'm writing this blog: I procrastinate.
This is my general attitude toward deadlines: "I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." -Douglas Adams

Day Five: 15 Songs That are the Soundtrack of Your Life

I have such a RANDOM taste in music. And I in no way profess to be one of those people who is cool enough to like random indy bands. My Pandora stations include Cabaret, Cher, Ray LaMontagne, and Miles Davis. Here is my paper-writing Grooveshark playlist:

(1) Don't You Want to Stay -- Jason Aldean and Kelly Clarkson
(2) Wilkommen -- Cabaret
(3) Forget About the Boy -- Thoroughly Modern Millie
(4) Club Can't Even Handle Me Right Now -- Flo Rida
(5) Start Me Up/Livin' On a Prayer -- Glee Cast
(6) Valerie -- Amy Winehouse
(7) Poker Face -- Lea Michele and Idina Menzel
(8) Time Warp -- Rocky Horror Picture Show
(9) Sweet Transvestite -- RHPS
(10) I Can Make You a Man -- RHPS
(11) Hot Patootie -- RHPS
(12) 'Long As I'm Here With You -- Thoroughly Modern Millie
(13) Candles -- Hey Monday
(14) Jolene -- Ray LaMontagne
(15) Raise You Glass -- Pink

And one bonus:
(16) Rollin' in the Deep -- Adele

See? It's not great taste, but it's my taste. So get over it.

Day Three: In which the blog challenge gets the Easter treatment

2011-04-24T07:04:00.004-05:00

* I realized that while I made a sarcastic comment about the meaning of my blog title in yesterday's blog, I did not address the quote underneath the title. In the spirit of doing this challenge right, here goes. I have a love/hate relationship with F. Scott Fitzgerald -- LOVE Tender is the Night; HATE The Great Gatsby (this may entail some residual hate for the movie). The quote is from the book I love. I think I have to love it because I still don't know what I want to "be" when I grow up. I mean, obviously, I'm going to be a lawyer (or do something law-related. Those loans do NOT pay themselves back). But I think I like the idea that maybe, just maybe, I'll just constantly be becoming something, constantly changing. Yeah, I like that idea a lot.

Onward...

Day Three: A Picture of Something You Can't Live Without

This could get complicated.

First, somebunny I can't live without:

Beckett's first Easter, 2006 (3 weeks old)

Easter, 2007 (My favorite Easter pic of all time)

As far as things I can't live without? Hmm....

Coffee

Stilettos

Dirty Martinis

Books

I'm sure there are a few other things, but if asked with a gun to my head, those are the (person) and things I can't live without.

Happy Easter, blog world!

"Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed." -John 20:29

What's In a Name?

2011-04-23T10:09:00.002-05:00

Blog Challenge: Day Two
What is the meaning of your blog title?

Due to the incredibly transparent nature of my blog title (it's my name and my son's name...see how I did that?), I'll take a moment to wish Shakespeare a happy birthday!

"What's in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet.
So Romeo would, were he not Romeo call'd,
Retain that dear perfection which he owes
Without that title. Romeo, doff thy name;
And for that name, which is no part of thee,
Take all myself."

-Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, II.ii.45-51.

A Year Isn't That Long, Is It?

2011-03-27T10:00:00.006-05:00

Talk about a blog hiatus. In order to get myself back on the blog bandwagon, I'm going to try out a 30 day blog challenge I found on another blog. I don't believe I've ever blogged for 30 days straight, so this will, indeed, be a challenge. Here's what I will be blogging about for the next 30 days:

Day One: Introduction, a recent photo of yourself, and 15 interesting facts about yourself.

Day Two: The meaning behind your blog title.

Day Three: A picture of something you cannot live without.

Day Four: A habit you wish you didn't have.

Day Five: 15 songs that represent your life's soundtrack.

Day Six: A picture of somewhere you've been.

Day Seven: A hobby you have.

Day Eight: A picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you.

Day Nine: Short term goals for this month and why.

Day Ten: Something/someone you're proud of.

Day Eleven: A story about a past relationship.

Day Twelve: A picture of something you dislike.

Day Thirteen: Share a secret.

Day Foruteen: Write a letter to someone telling them something you could never tell them.

Day Fifteen: A picture of something you ate and 10 confessions.

Day Sixteen: Put your iPod on shuffle and post the first 10 songs that play.

Day Seventeen: Something you could live without.

Day Eighteen: Someone you would want to switch lives with and why.

Day Nineteen: Plans/dreams/goals you have.

Day Twenty: Nicknames you have and how or why you have them.

Day Twenty-One: If you had 3 wishes, what would they be?

Day Twenty-Two: Share a picture from your day.

Day Twenty-Three: What makes you different from everybody else?

Day Twenty-Four: What is something you crave?

Day Twenty-Five: What would I find in your purse?

Day Twenty-Six: Places you want to visit before you die.

Day Twenty-Seven: Why are you doing this 30 day challenge?

Day Twenty-Eight: A picture of you last year and a picture of you now - how have you changed?Day Twenty-Nine: In the past month, what have you learned?

Day Thirty: A picture of you today and 20 goals you wish to accomplish.

Here we go:

Day One: Introduction, a recent photo of yourself, and 15 interesting facts.

If you need more introduction, you're in the wrong place. See above.

Also see above for a recent photo.

15 Interesting Facts (Well, interesting to me):

(1) I am on the downhill slide of my last year of law school, and by "downhill slide," I mean I had my LAST class yesterday. Graduation is May 21st. I can honestly say that going to law school was NEVER the direction that I thought my life would take, and yet, here I am -- a mere 29 days away from my J.D.

(2) Literature means more to me than I am really able to express. Someone once told me that there was no point in reading fiction because those things never happened. I couldn't believe it.

(3) I have a beautiful, hilarious, and brilliant 5 year old son, Beckett. Biased? Sure. But anyone who knows him knows that I am really not exaggerating that much :)

(4) Speaking of B, those of you that know me really well know that this past calendar year has been the hardest of my life. I'm not going to get into any details, but let's call it "Betsi's terrible, horrible, no good, very bad year." That about sums it up.

(5) I have recently learned that I am the kind of person who is (relatively) quick to forgive. I like this about myself.

(6) That being said, there is a line you can cross and karma is a bitch.

(7) I can quote Shakespeare and Dumb and Dumber.

(8) Much like Ross on Friends, I will correct your grammar while we are having a conversation. I'm sorry. I know it's annoying, but I really can't stop.

(9) I am a daydreamer. A bad daydreamer. Well, maybe that's a good thing.

(10) Starting May 1st, I'd like to be more vigilant about my health.

(11) It has to be May 1st because we are living between two apartments right now and everything is a little chaotic.

(12) I'm moving!

(13) I believe that a good, I mean really good, dirty martini is sometimes all you need.

(14) I believe I will start writing letters again. Who doesn't love to get mail?

(15) I believe I will starting writing again in general. I have missed it so much.

If Gentlemen Prefer Blondes and Marry Brunettes, Where Does That Leave a Redhead?

2010-04-17T15:35:00.003-05:00

Well, it's been forever since my last post and there is really no way to give updates on everything we have been up to lately. So, I'll just give a quick recap. Beckett turned FOUR a month ago. This is beyond my comprehension. I was warned it would go fast, but I never imagined it would go this fast.

School is going well, but will be better when I get my rigorous finished and finals are OVER. One month to go. Then maybe I can start reading what I want to read again :0) Dusty gave me Gentlemen Prefer Blondes on Friday, and I started reading it last night.

Big news on the horizon, I'll keep you all informed!

Worst Blogger EVER.

2010-03-29T17:56:00.001-05:00

Yeah, that's me. So much work right now. Eventually, you will all get caught up. I swear.

Life's Little Instruction Book

2010-01-28T17:45:00.004-06:00

Recently, I found this book among the, um, we'll say DISASTER that is my room. I can remember having looked through it years ago, but couldn't remember anything it said. It's a book of "511 suggestions, observations, and reminders on how to live a happy and rewarding life." It began as a gift for the author's son, who was leaving for his freshman year of college and I love what he has to say about parenting in the Introduction:

I read years ago that it was not the responsibility of parents to pave the road for their children, but to provide them with a road map. That's how I hoped he would use these mind and heart reflections.

I thought maybe I would post a few of them everyday. There are 511 and, as the author points out, there are many things that got left out and many that you might not agree with.

One: Compliment three people everyday -- This seems so easy, but I know I tend to get wrapped up in me a lot, so I'll have to work on this.

Two: Have a dog -- How about "Move out of parents house" first.

Three: Watch a sunrise at least once a year -- Personal addendum: More than once if you can.

Four: Remember other people's birthdays -- I'm actually scarily good at this. Seriously, I have really made some people question my sanity because I remembered when their birthday was. And Facebook as really made forgetting someone's birthday about the crapiest thing you can do (they only remind you for an entire week prior to the actual birthday).

Five: Overtip breakfast waitresses -- YES.

In other news, Beckett wakes up in the morning feeling life P. Diddy apparently. He is also awesome at Wii bowling and "hoop-a-looping" (hula hooping). He also thinks that "Dusty's friend" (Ben Preston) is the person in a one hundred dollar bill.

Conversation from Monday:

Background: I pick B up from school at 1:00. In an attempt to get him to go to sleep in the car and stay that way for his nap, I turn the radio to Public Radio, which plays classical music starting at 1:00 (It's like they know).

Beckett: (over classical music) Mom. Mom. MOM.

Me: Yes?

Beckett: Will you please turn that music off? It's girl music.

Me: (laughing hysterically and yet, slightly offended) Why is that?

Beckett: Because it's HORRIBLE.

Me: (now completely offended) WHAT? So all girl music is horrible and all horrible music is for girls?

Beckett: Yes. Now will you please turn it off?

Hoarders Episode # 68: The Betsi Edition

2010-01-09T13:58:00.002-06:00

There is something about the start of a new year that just gets me super motivated to clear out, clean up, and generally trash everything I've accumulated over the preceding year. 9 days into the new year and what started as a cathartic cleansing of papers and other assorted items that have found themselves in various stacks and piles around my room has officially become a major overhaul. What should have been simple -- pick up paper, think is this vital to my existence? (If answer is yes, then stick in file folder and put folder in file cabinet. If answer is no, then throw away. NOW. Before you change your mind.) -- has become anything but simple. Cleansing has become rearranging and moving and changing. I have filled 3 trash bags and have barely scratched the surface. I get sidetracked, severely so. I want, no need, to go through every notebook, folder, stack, etc. Even ones whose contents I looked at a week ago. And I swear, if I had a house instead of just a room in which to keep things, A&E and Child Protective Services would be outside my house, ready to film Hoarders and take my child away because there was no room for him and all of my stuff, too.

And not only do I get sidetracked and delve in WAY too deep, but I procrastinate. So school starts Monday and you can barely walk through my room. I really need help. Most likely of the psychological nature.

Lady Gaga on Pandora does seem to help, though.

Are You There 2010? It's me, Betsi.

2010-01-04T20:47:00.004-06:00

Brace yourselves, faithful followers -- This one's going to be long. Since I seem to be the only blogger that has yet to mention the new year, the new decade, or my resolutions, allow me to address these things here. A dear friend told me over the weekend that she was tired of hearing people reminisce and discuss how the new year was a "time to start over." I must confess, I am one of those people.

First, the reminiscing:

Ten years ago, it was 1999-2000. I was 16 years old and halfway through my sophomore year at St. James School in Montgomery, AL. And I know it's cliched to say so, but it really does seem like yesterday. That little girl. If only she'd known what I know now.

So, I thought back on the years. Here are the highlights:

First love and first heartbreak. Mrs. Etheridge, Mrs. Sells, Dr. Browning. Freida Warren & "Double Digit Day." Prom. Homecoming Queen. Senior Spring Break. Graduation. Camp War Eagle. Figuring out that the Haley Center was not that complicated. First AU football game as a student. Sleeping on the couch at RBD during finals. Tiger Transit. Studying at AU baseball games in the Spring. Pitchers at Mama G's. Standard Club. Getting a tattoo with Hillary. Ryan's visit from Vandy. What does 5 fingers say to the face? Mine and Betsy's dorm room. Being the queens of a double wide trailer. Phebe McLeod. Brick Oven. Poker night on the patio & "shift beers." The night I became "Barfin' Betsi." 86: ODB. Carport parties at Phebe and David's. 80s Dance Party. The night David took Phebe's shoe. Buffalo's. Ashley Case's laugh/cry. Late nights in the back bar. The PourHouse. Strutting Duck. Wings 2 Go. Justin & Melissa's wedding. New Jersey. New York. Jersey Shore. Biloxi. Hurricane party. July 24, 2005 (the day I found out I was pregnant). October 17, 2005 (the day I moved in with Anna). November 4, 2005 (the day I found out it was a BOY!). Having a O'Doul's-kind-of-NYE. March 14, 2006 at 4:08 a.m. (James Beckett Nelson. 6lbs. 9oz. 21 1/2"). First day at AUM. Ava Cantrell Dean (July 2006). Dean's List first semester back. Meeting Brillo. Beckett's 1st birthday. First word. First steps. Rex & Betsy's wedding. Undergrad Graduation. LSAT. Dees Communications and margarita nights with the girls. 1L starts. Andrew & Hillary's wedding (B was the ring bearer). Martha Elizabeth Story (December 2008). Trey & Elizabeth's wedding. Jack Aubrey McLeod (May 2009). Finishing the first year of law school. Summer classes. 2L. And now, 2010.

In between all of this there has been laughter and tears, enduring friendships and sworn enemies. Its funny that when you try to write out what 10 years of your life has meant, you can only offer someone anecdotes.Trying to recreate the experiences of 10 years, trying to explain the days and nights and people and places that have shaped you, that have brought you to this place at this time for this moment -- it can't be done. So all I have to offer is this small list of happenings, occurrences, bad and brilliant decisions. Here's hoping the next 10 years are this much fun to recall.

Onward to the resolutions:

(1) As per usual, lose weight. It just wouldn't be the new year if this wasn't on the list, so it may as well be at the top. But I really just mean exercise more, eat healthier.

(2) Be more patient. If you know me, you get this one.

(3) Read more. Read more. Read more.

(4) Have a direction figured out for my life. I'm don't mean specifics, but something more than just "lawyer."

(5) To realize that some things just have to be let go. This one is big for me, too, because it deals with lots of aspects of my life.

What you've all been waiting for -- Beckett updates. You know the Sonic commercial -- "It's not good. It's Sonic good." Beckett has adapted this and now uses it as his personal motto. "It's not good. It's Beckett good." I. AM. NOT. KIDDING.

In other news, 3-year-old + drums = INSANITY. And the constant headache that only reminds one of a hangover. It's down right delightful.

Christmas 2009: The Recap Edition

2009-12-29T18:39:00.002-06:00

When you're pregnant (preggos, back me up on this one), everyone you meet (be it in a restaurant, grocery store, doctor's office, etc.) will try to give you advice. They will try to explain to you what being a parent will be like. They tell you to cherish every moment ("they grow up so fast"), to sleep when the baby sleeps, and the select few will every scare the piss out of you with their own labor and delivery horror stories (To these people: I, as evidenced by this large bump, have not had the baby yet and can't really get out of doing that. Shut up.). But, these "wise" people forget to warn you about all the tedious things that go along with motherhood.

Thing They Don't Warn You About #52571: In order for Santa to come, other stuff has to go

On the Wednesday before Christmas, I undertook the task of cleaning out some of Beckett's toys to make way for what Santa was going to bring him. Oh how I wish I'd been forewarned. This process took 3 1/2 hours. WHAT? When did that child accumulate that much stuff?

Thing They Don't Warn You About #2679: Santa can be a real jackass

He brought drums this year. What the hell was he thinking?

Other than that minor transgression, Santa was actually very good to Beckett this year. He got cowboy boots, Yahtzee!, a soccer goal and ball, SuperWhy bingo, DRUMS, and a flurry of other things.

Beckett puts on the cowboy boots and marches around singing "Cowboy, cowboy, cowboy. Rasso, rasso, rasso." "Rasso" being "lasso."

More to come later.

Christmas break, why can't you last all year?

2009-12-21T12:33:00.004-06:00

Seriously. Aside from some memo writing, the last couple of days have been FANTASTIC. Well, that and the fact that I am phoneless. Well, after writing it out, maybe Christmas break isn't that great after all. Well, at least Christmas Eve and Day will be fun. There is nothing more pleasant to watch than Beckett seeing for the first time what Santa has brought him or ripping recklessly into a pile of presents.

So, no grades until January. Maybe this is a blessing in disguise. Yeah, we'll go with that.

Update: Beckett LOVES "The Wizard of Oz." We watched it last night while rocking before he went to bed. My life really couldn't rock harder right now. Well, it could. I am having serious issues with the Flip Video Camera, my computer, and the stack of blank DVDs. But I suppose I can figure all of this out.

It's Christmastime, Pretty Baby. And the Snow is (not) Falling on the Ground

2009-12-17T09:37:00.003-06:00

It's finally Christmastime (at least for law students)! And it could not have started better. Beckett had his choir showcase at church last night. It was precious. I'll post part of the video later. Tomorrow, he has his Christmas program at school. That video will get posted as well.

Beckett has made his Christmas list. Here it is:

(1) Drums (and, because Santa has lost his damn mind, he's getting them. But shhh, don't tell Beckett).

(2) "Noisy" guitar (I have no idea what this is about).

(3) Microphone, microphone, speaker, speaker (yeah, this is a karaoke machine he saw at Costco. Shockingly, it has 2 microphones and 2 speakers.)

I thought for this blog, I would include the things I love the MOST about Christmas (or rather, things it's just not Christmas without):

(1) "I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas" -- Gayla Peevey

(2) The Nutcracker (the music, the ballet, the everything. I heart it a lot more than I should).

(3) On a related note, it's just not Christmas until our Nutcrackers are placed on the stairs.

(4) "Last Christmas" -- Wham! (THE BEST. Don't argue with me, you know you love it, too)

(5) Lenox Christmas China

(6) "Dominick, The Italian Christmas Donkey" -- Lou Monte (Although this year, it just makes me think of "Jersey Shore." Which , I guess I'm okay with)

(7) It's a Wonderful Life (Best. Christmas. Movie. EVER.)

(8) Elvis Christmas music

I'm sure there's a ton more stuff, but I have cleaning to get to. Hope everyone has a great Christmas!

Livin' on a Prayer

2009-12-16T16:11:00.002-06:00

Beckett has told me no less than 20 times today that he loves me and is proud of me. So sweet. But how will he feel when I fail my exams? :0) He's precious and a constant reminder to keep trying harder. A very cute, sweet constant reminder. Also, he wants to grow up and work in the "corkhouse" and be a "lawler," just like his mom.

AND......I AM HALFWAY TO MY LAW DEGREE. Feels fantastic!

T-Minus 12 Hours

2009-12-07T06:44:00.003-06:00

You'll have to excuse the myriad of Richard III references that are sure to pop up in the next few days. It's one of my favorites and I decided to try to fit a reread of it in somewhere in between my studying. It's nerdy, I know, but there's something about Shakespeare that helps me de-stress and calms my nerves. Wow. I just reread that sentence and realized that I really am a dork. Well, I'll own it for now.

Last week, B had a birthday party to attend. Isabelle's birthday party to be specific. Now, at school, Beckett, Isabelle, and Nate are basically your run-of-the-mill 3 Musketeers. Inseparable and ALWAYS playing with each other when I go to pick B up. In fact, B tries to take one or both of them home with him almost everyday. But they love him back, so I feel pretty okay about it. I mean, at least he isn't that weird kid that just follows them around, hoping to get in on the action.

They played in her playroom, decorated sugar cookies, and had pizza and cake. A 3 year old's dream come true. Well, after most children had finished decorating their cookie and and left to table to return upstairs to play, Isabelle was still trying to finish hers. And Nate and B were sitting there at the table, finished, and doing nothing. Nate's mother said, "Nate, why don't you and Beckett wipe your hands off and go upstairs to play." To which Nate responded, "We have to watch Isabelle finish." Nate's mother, Gina, and I both about died laughing. I said, "Note to self: Teach boys not to stalk girls. It makes them uncomfortable." Truer words were never spoken.

Finals update: Four down, one to go. Crim Pro is tomorrow morning.

Thou cam'st on earth to make the earth my hell.

Richard III, 4. 4

In Two Weeks, it will be the Winter of our Discontent.

2009-12-06T13:59:00.002-06:00

It's been a good while since my last blog, and for good reason. It's that most anticipated and dreaded time of year once again....FINALS. This year they have descended upon me in a way that can only be described as "with the quickness." My next 2 weeks will be filled with outlines, Kaplan questions, Q&A on every subject possible, and just enough desperation to let me truly know that finals are indeed upon us. I made the mistake of picking up Richard III last night. I am supposed to be reading the ICWA or ALI principles or something about the ICJ, WTO, or GATT. But how, or more importantly why would I want, to put down Shakespeare to drudge through what may or may not be the existence of international law?

Onward to stories about Beckett:

He's a mess, as I have reported on many, many an occasion. And no more so than recently. He tells me daily that he doesn't love me. One day, I made the mistake of asking why. His response? "Because you put me in time out. If you'd stop doing that, I'd love you." My response? "Well, if you'd do what I say, you wouldn't have to be put in time out." Rebuttal? "Well, I do what I want." I do what I want? Are you Eric Cartman or Beckett Nelson? REALLY? I do what I want? I had to get up and leave the room for a variety of reasons: (1) I was about to LOSE it. If a 3 year old tells you that they "do what they want," you know your first reaction would be to laugh. And not giggle, or chuckle, or snicker. I mean full-out, laugh until it hurts and tears are running down your face. That's the exact laugh I couldn't let him see; (2) I couldn't fathom where he had heard that phrase and needed to put myself in time out for a moment to think about whether or not I had, in fact, taught him that; and (3) I also needed a moment to think of a more creative way to punish him. Besides the fact that he says he doesn't love, time-out has completely lost it's edge with him.

Well, I should really get back to work. But we got some great news today: Jones School of Law received full approval from the ABA! Something to celebrate!

Will be back with more later.

The Power of Prayer According to Beckett

2009-11-21T16:25:00.003-06:00

I know there are many of you who I have heard this story, but for those who haven't......enjoy!

Beckett got in trouble at school this week for hitting and kicking another child. Not good, but he's a boy with a grandfather that he can both hit and kick, so it was only a matter of time before this bleed over into school. Anyway, he goes to Memorial Presbyterian, so when he got sent to the Director's office, she prayed with him. Afterward, she sent him on his merry way. No less than 20 minutes later, he was hitting and kicking again. It was at this point that he looked at his teacher and said, "Well, I guess that prayer didn't work, did it?" Then he walked off.

Evidence Tales

2009-11-14T11:31:00.002-06:00

It's Saturday morning, which, as of late, has meant that I am going to camp out on the downstairs sofa, surrounded by case books, supplements, Spark Charts, and whatever else I need to get my outlines completed. Well, this morning, Beckett came a stood right next to my computer, intently watching as I typed up my Evidence notes. His sweet little face conveyed but one notion, I have GOT to push one of those buttons. So, I became instantly nervous, certain that I could try all day and NEVER figure out how to delete an entire outline, and yet my 3 year old could probably accomplish this in the blink of an eye.

20 minutes later, Beckett returns. "Mama," he says, sweetly. "Could you get this and this and this and take them and do your work in my room while I play?" Well, how do I say no to that? So I grab my evidence book, my notes, and a legal pad and go sit on his bed while he plays. He wants to listen to Veggie Tales, so this is what about 20 minutes of my morning consisted of:

If you like to talk to tomatoes,

If a squash can make you smile

Rule 406: Habit Evidence

"Regular response to a repeated specific stimulus."

-Very narrow and specific

If you like to waltz with potatoes

Up and down the produce aisle.

Have we got a show for you!

Personal habits: Special kind of semi-reflexive or automatic behavior that occurs only in response to a specific stimulus.

It is at about this moment that I get kicked (quite hard) in the kidneys. Then Beckett jumps on my back screaming "Hut hut, Mama! I tackled you!" Evidence has officially been turned into a contact sport.

Note to Self: Must Remember Maya More Often

2009-11-12T10:08:00.003-06:00

After I took Beckett to school this morning, I returned home, grabbed myself a cup of coffee (but not in my Las Vegas mug, RIP), and walked outside. I have been busy, busy, busy lately getting things together for finals, trudging through the daily readings, going to class, taking care of B's fever, and whatnot. It was a pleasant break from everything to sit, facing the woods (which have changed from green to various shades of yellow, red, and brown), listening to the wind chimes, and enjoying the cool breeze that reminds me autumn has finally arrived. My mind turned instantly to the blog (it seems the beast has conquered the master). I sat, trying to think of the events of the past week -- conversations with friends, Beckett's adventures (or misadventures, depending on your outlook), classroom incidents, etc. These things came to mind:

My father took Beckett to Waffle House for dinner on Sunday. While he was brushing his teeth later and getting ready for bed, Beckett told me, "Mama, I need to throw up. That waffle didn't cooperate with me." Huh? Where did that come from? Incidentally, he did not throw up.

I thought also about apartment searching, thrift store shopping, and discussions about fireplace colors.

And then there's last nights discussion about naming future children after Supreme Court justices (Harlan, yes. Scalia, NO). Law school, what have you done to us?

Then there's the triumphant moment when I answered a Constitutional law question without even having to think about it. As it turns out, studying helps. It's the craziest thing.

We (Brandi, Paige, and I) sat in the library for HOURS yesterday, quietly chipping away at the massive amount of work that is to be done prior to finals.

All in all, the past week has been relatively boring and low-key (but on a happy note, I got all of my Law Review timesheets turned in). Well, boring, but overall leaving me feeling overwhelmed and relatively inadequate. This too shall pass, I suppose.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other. - Galatians 5:22-23 & 26 (Hmm, something to think about in the coming weeks)

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.

I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size

But when I start to tell them,

They think I’m telling lies.

I say,

It’s in the reach of my arms,

The span of my hips,

The stride of my step,

The curl of my lips.

I’m a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That’s me.

I walk into a room

Just as cool as you please,

And to a man,

The fellows stand or

Fall down on their knees.

Then they swarm around me,

A hive of honey bees.

I say,

It’s the fire in my eyes,

And the flash of my teeth,

The swing in my waist,

And the joy in my feet.

I’m a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That’s me.

Men themselves have wondered

What they see in me.

They try so much

But they can’t touch

My inner mystery.

When I try to show them,

They say they still can’t see.

I say,

It’s in the arch of my back,

The sun of my smile,

The ride of my breasts,

The grace of my style.

I’m a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That’s me.

Now you understand

Just why my head’s not bowed.

I don’t shout or jump about

Or have to talk real loud.

When you see me passing,

It ought to make you proud.

I say,

It’s in the click of my heels,

The bend of my hair,

the palm of my hand,

The need for my care.

’Cause I’m a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That’s me.

-Maya Angelou, Phenomenal Woman from And Still I Rise

Halloween, Makeup, & Law School.....Oh My!

2009-11-06T11:12:00.002-06:00

So, I know it has been FOREVER since I blogged. Please accept my sincerest apologies.

So, Halloween 2009 came and went. This year, Beckett was a Frog Prince. Pictures to follow when I get them from my mother's camera. He LOVED trick-or-treating and even told my neighbor that she needed to fix her doorbell when she didn't answer the door fast enough. On a related note, we had the world's brattiest children come to our house begging for candy. I can excuse Beckett's insistence that the doorbell was broken, our's is, so he doesn't really know any better. But when Beckett is 9 or 10, he will -- under NO circumstances -- ring a stranger's doorbell and DEMAND candy. UNDER. NO. CIRCUMSTANCES. If I teach that child nothing besides good manners and a basic level of respect, I will consider his childhood to be a success.

Speaking of respect (or a lack thereof), Beckett and I were hanging out before school one morning this week. Suddenly, he turned to me and , very seriously, told me, "Go put on your makeup." I asked why. Mistake, very large mistake. His response? "Because that's how you look pretty." Thank you. Note to self: Teach Beckett to never, ever, under any circumstances, say that to another girl again. This observation came on the heels of my 26th birthday, so it was particularly unnerving.

Law School Update: Finals are getting very close. Don't expect to hear from me. I will be in a study cave with only Red Bull and despair to comfort me. But, come December, I will be half way finished!

If You Are a Dreamer, Come In...

2009-10-11T12:21:00.007-05:00

P has been posting Top 10 Lists as of late, so I figured I would throw one in here, too. But what to write about?

Top Ten Reasons Why Beckett Rocks Harder Than Your Kid:

(It's okay, I'm sure your kid is cool, too)

(1) Blonde hair? Check. Blue eyes? Check. Infectious laugh? Check. Let's

face it, he's just plain cute.

(2) He LOVES to read. Current favorites include Where the Sidewalk Ends by Shel Silvers

tein, Arnie the Doughnut by Laurie Keller, and Oliver and Company.

(3) He is a boy. ALL BOY. Plays with tools, footballs, soccer balls, swords, golf clubs, etc. You get the picture -- he digs boy stuff. But, much to my father's chagrin, his favorite color is PINK.

(4) He is officially potty trained. Completely. He has been potty traine

d during the day and through naps for about 5 months. In the last 2 weeks, he only wet the bed at night once. I am so proud and can't believe he no longer wears diapers EVER!

(5) As infuriating as it is sometimes, he is smart. Only problem is that now it's harder to lie to him. It's a sad day when you get called out by a 3-year-old.

(6) He rocks because he does things like this: We both wore red to church this morning. We were on the elevator on the way to his Sunday School class and a man said to Beckett, "Look at you. You match your mama!" No lie, Beckett looked at me, looked back at the man and said,

"I've never met her before." With a straight face! I almost died I was laughing so hard.

(7) As previously stated, he is all boy. Wild as a buck, loud, rough and tumble.....BOY. But, he is also very sweet. For example, he will share anything. Cookies, sand toys, sidewalk chalk, goldfish, juice, anything. And 99% of the time he'll share without having to be asked. I have NO idea where this comes from because I'm not particularly great at sharing my toys. He also gives lots of random hugs, kisses, and "I love yous" and he says "please," "thank you," and "excuse me" about 95% of the time.

(8) He is endlessly entertaining. We have a brick fireplace. Above it is a light that is intended to spotlight whatever is hanging above the mantle. But Beckett is convinced that this is his own personal stage and spotlight. He will jump on the hearth and say "My spotlight, please! Ladies and gentlemen, boys and dirls (girls)!" What follows is never boring. Sometimes, it's Watermelon Man. Or Peanut, Peanut Butter. Usually, it's Rick and Bubba (you know, the radio guys. And literally, he just sings their names over and over and over). Then he takes a bow, jumps down, and goes about his business.

(9)There are about 5 phrases of French that he has picked up. Also, he blurts out Spanish (from school and Handy Manny) on the regular.

(10) Last, but not least, he thinks he is Spiderman. He legitimately thinks he is Spiderman. I'll have to upload pictures soon.

In other Beckett news, he made up a song this weekend. And it goes a little something like this:

Lookin' for adventure,

Chicken nugget, chicken nugget, chicken nugget,

Shake your bootie, shake your bootie.

Whatever comes my way,

Chicken nugget, shake you bootie.

And so on and so forth.

Well, not so much "made up" as he mixed "Born to Be Wild" in with 2 random phrases. He's good times. Fitting though.

This weekend has been an extremely productive one for me! Also, Brandi and I went and did our Couch to 5K thing on Monday and Wednesday (I was sick Tuesday, but she went anyway!). Dusty and I played basketball on Thursday (yes, one on one. Quite humorous) and on Friday, Brandi, Josh, Dusty and I went for a walk at Shakespeare. I hope I'll be as motivated next week.

T-minus 34 hours until Dusty and I are quitting smoking. Eric has said he is going to "try" to quit with us, and I hope he does. We are joining the gym on Monday, too! Now, if I could only start eating better.....

Also, allow me to submit that if you have never perused awkwardfamilyphotos.com, you have a huge hole were awesome is considerably lacking. Exhibit A and B are to the right:

Metamorphosis: Not Just for Butterflies Anymore

2009-10-10T12:01:00.005-05:00

It's Saturday at Noon. I have 1000 law school related papers and books spread out around me, a load of laundry in the washer and one in the dryer, a stack of clothes to iron, dishes that need to be unloaded from the dishwasher, a 3-year-old laid out on the sofa, and the Auburn/Arkansas game on the television. I just checked textsfromlastnight.com and fmylife.com and I can't help but think about how my life has changed so dramatically in the last 5 years.

DISCLAIMER: This blog may not be that funny. If you don't care to hear about my life, then I suggest you stop reading. I apologize. Give Beckett about 20 minutes. He'll do something funny. I will relay it here.

I don't know where I was on October 10, 2004, but if I had to guess, I was working the lunch shift at Brick Oven Pizza Co. I was probably hungover and swapping "guess what I did last night" stories with the rest of the staff. I wasn't in school at the time (I had decided to take a year off) and so my only responsibility was to show up to work on time and try to get through my shift without screwing too much up. Simple.

Four years later, I am Beckett's mother and a law student. I am simultaneously the same as I was then and yet so very different. When I think that it's simply the circumstances that have changed, I find myself reminded this is not the case. This, of course, was no overnight process, and yet the realization of the fact happened in a split second. Funny how you don't see the big picture when you're in the thick of the transformation. No, you come out on the other side, bruised, bent, perhaps even broken in some places. And only then can you see what has happened in the last day, 6 weeks, 9 months, or 5 years.

This is what being in the world means, at times we suffer. - Don DeLillo, Love--Lies--Bleeding

I can no longer decide I need a drink and walk from one room directly to the other, grab said drink, and go about my business. I will straighten toys, fold clothes, and pick up crumbs en route to the kitchen. When did this happen?

This weekend has been an exercise in frustration. There is not an aspect of my life that has not been mulled over in my brain half a million times. I have broken down in tears no less than 10 times in the last day and a half. But this is a good thing. The questioning, the anger, the sadness only help me to know that, no, things might not have gone the way I had wanted, but they are going. And that is the important part. Five years ago, if something didn't go my way, I would spend days being depressed. Today, I know that, one day, the ends will justify the means. One day in the future, I will have another day like today, when I realize that the bumps and the hiccups and the major roadblocks were all worth it. And simply knowing that helps me to navigate them. It's not flawless and it's certainly painful at times, but it's also quite beautiful.

There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered. - Nelson Mandela, "A Long Walk to Freedom"

Supressing Laughter Cannot Be Good for My Health

2009-10-05T15:19:00.002-05:00

My biggest problem with parenting to date is that I have to actually discipline Beckett. I would MUCH prefer just to laugh at how amusing he is and send him on his way. But seeing as how being rude is not something I'd like him to get used to, I must suppress laughter, find a way to not fall out of my chair in doing so, and tell him why the hilarious thing he just said is wrong.

Exhibit A:

We were watching the end of the NASCAR race on Sunday. Stage set. I told my Dad that NASCAR was like baseball to me -- Horrifically boring on TV, mildly amusing (thanks in part to rednecks) in person. I turned to Beckett and said, "Oh, B, we should go to a Braves game next season!" And I kid you not, this is the response I got. Exasperated sigh, head up, eyes rolled. Then, "BOOOOORING. Try again." Head back down, looking straight at me, unhappy grimace on face.

So, as his mother, I was obligated to explain to him that we shouldn't presume bordem in situations we know nothing about (a Braves game being something he knows NOTHING about). Now, the "nothing is boring" argument is akin to the "math is important" argument in my eyes. Children, adults are going to tell you that math is important. They lie. God created the calculator because being able to rattle off 45345 divided by 67 is something only Rainman can do. And even then, it's not important. Similarly, children, adults will tell you that we shouldn't say things are boring, because we can make anything fun! Again, lies. Things are boring. Baby showers, bridal teas, Con law.....this list goes on. And, incidentally, math is boring.

I'm not going to lie. It took everything I had in me not to give up half-way through the "Come on, B. Life's fun!" speech and just say, "Screw it, you're right. It would probably be boring. And totally not worth my time and money. See if I try to do anything with you again." At this point I would have burst into laughter because, let's face it, he's funny. And, he's also right. Can I fault him for these things?

Exhibit B:

Later that same night (I must have spilled some snarky in his Corn Flakes that morning), we were sitting down at dinner. Now, this evening was filled with much bargaining (as any good meal with a 3 year old does) and begging and near hair-pulling-out. He was having chicken fingers and cantaloupe. This is where the details get a little fuzzy. I know I was getting on to him about something, but Lord knows what it was. I'm not even sure he was listening because the first breath I took, he interjected, "Mom, let it go." "Let it go?!?" You're 3. You do not get to tell me to "let it go." And this lovely phrase got repeated no less than 4 times. Cut to me grabbing a 3 year old, wiping doughnut off of his shirt, and taking (well, dragging) him to his room to sit in time out. I will admit, my first response to this situation was infuriation. However, after explaining to him (over crying and screaming, after all, I had taken half of a doughnut away from him -- what is wrong with me?) that "let it go" was extremely disrespectful and we need to respect our mother (insert the laughter of everyone I know), I walked out of the room. I had barely hit the door frame before I realized that my 3 year old had just used the phrase "let it go." And if he meant laughter, then mission accomplished. I almost hit the floor I was laughing so hard. Meanwhile, he is screaming for help. Because what's more like prison than a little red rocking chair? And what more akin to torture than being made to sit in it for 3 minutes?

Welcome to my life. The things I would tolerate in my friends, I have to watch out for. This "teaching children how to be respectful and useful adults" is not for the faint of heart.

But, the weekend was not all about discipline and respect, We managed to have fun, too. Dusty has been asking if I blog about him, and until today, the answer was, "no." But, alas, Dusty, there is something to say today. This weekend, Dusty asked me to help him fix Eric's stairs. And by "fix," he meant rebuild. And I had to explain that by "help," I could offer only conversation. Because, let's face it: I am NOT handy. At all. So, Saturday afternoon we went to Lowe's (big day) and bought the necessary supplies. But I had to go get B at 5. Dusty asked if I was going to come back and help. I said I could, but B would have to come, too. And if anyone was going to be less help than me, it's B. Because I am aware that I can't help and therefore stay out of the way. B, however, thinks he IS helping and will stand under your feet and ask 237647 questions. Having been fully warned, Dusty suggested that I bring B. So, I went and got Beckett and his tools (you know, because nothing builds stairs like plastic tools) and headed to Eric's. About 30 minutes after we arrived, we realized that 2 of the boards needed to be cut about 1/2". Dusty looked at Beckett, who at this point has all of his tools out and is "fixing" anything that will stand still long enough for him to hit, and asked, "Do you want to go to Lowe's?" Response: "No." Shocking. He was in heaven, no he didn't want to leave. So, Dusty offered to watch him while I ran to the Lowe's up the street (we were in Wetumpka). After explaining to Beckett that he had to listen to Dusty and do what he said, I left. While I was gone, Dusty and Beckett broke down the old stairs. I can imagine Beckett had a ball. Actually, I know he did. He keeps asking me when we are going back to Dusty's.

The thing with other people watching Beckett is that I don't particularly like other people's children. And so I always assume that no one wants to be around my child. I think this is a fair presumption. So, after Dusty assured me they would be fine, I left. And, to Dusty's credit, they were both alive when I returned. Happy, unscathed, and laughing. Mission accomplished.

Well, that's about enough for right now. I am sure, however, more will follow this week.

Spiderpig Does Whatever a Spiderpig Does.

2009-10-01T14:01:00.002-05:00

So, yesterday, I let B wear his Spiderman costume to school. I mean, how cool am I? And when I mean costume, I mean costume. Jumpsuit, spandex, SPIDERMAN. It was pretty cute. But the fam thought I was insane for letting him do this. My reasoning? He's 3. It's only going to be socially acceptable for him to dress like his favorite superhero for about 2 more years (on a related note, it will also only be socially acceptable for him to have a favorite superhero for about 2 more years). Face it, at 35, a Spiderman costume is the equivalent of a van with "Free Candy" written on the side. I'm giving myself one Mom Point on the day.

"Frustration" is a thing with feathers....

2009-09-29T18:09:00.003-05:00

"People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world." -Bill Watterson, Calvin and Hobbes

...I am going to go out the proverbial limb and submit that there is almost NO way my child could be more like me. Seriously. I'll illustrate this point with a story:

Monday morning, B was watching TV while I was getting ready for school (seriously, the "Mom of the Year" nomination committee is really lagging on notifying me that I'm up this year). He was watching Special Agent Oso, which comes on the Disney Channel (at least it's not f$%#^g SpongeBob). I won't give too many details (you know I hate to bore), but basically it's about a bear who is, wait for it, a special agent. He helps kids complete random tasks, such as brushing their teeth or putting puzzles together. So, today's "issue" was that this little girl wanted to pick strawberries. But she doesn't know how! Whatever will we do? Oh wait, ask the bear with the palm pilot. Well, Beckett was watching, and before Oso could come to the aid of this damsel in distress, Beckett, rather loudly, says, "Just pick and twist! I don't know how else to say it!" Then, to top of the frustration, he looked at me, looked back at the TV, and walked out of the room. Who knew he would already begin to show signs of disdain for idiots?!? Ah, world, art thou ready for Betsi Round 2: Electric Boogaloo?

That is what I get the pleasure of dealing with on a daily basis. And I couldn't be happier or more amused.

In other news, well, I suppose no news is good news. Yeah, we'll go with that.

Poetry Nerd

2009-09-17T17:21:00.001-05:00

And because love battles
not only in its burning agricultures
but also in the mouth of men and women,
I will finish off by taking the path away
to those who between my chest and your fragrance
want to interpose their obscure plant.

About me, nothing worse
they will tell you, my love,
than what I told you.

I lived in the prairies
before I got to know you
and I did not wait love but I was
laying in wait for and I jumped on the rose.

What more can they tell you?
I am neither good nor bad but a man,
and they will then associate the danger
of my life, which you know
and which with your passion you shared.

And good, this danger
is danger of love, of complete love
for all life,
for all lives,
and if this love brings us
the death and the prisons,
I am sure that your big eyes,
as when I kiss them,
will then close with pride,
into double pride, love,
with your pride and my pride.

But to my ears they will come before
to wear down the tour
of the sweet and hard love which binds us,
and they will say: “The one
you love,
is not a woman for you,
Why do you love her? I think
you could find one more beautiful,
more serious, more deep,
more other, you understand me, look how she’s light,
and what a head she has,
and look at how she dresses,
and etcetera and etcetera”.

And I in these lines say:
Like this I want you, love,
love, Like this I love you,
as you dress
and how your hair lifts up
and how your mouth smiles,
light as the water
of the spring upon the pure stones,
Like this I love you, beloved.

To bread I do not ask to teach me
but only not to lack during every day of life.
I don’t know anything about light, from where
it comes nor where it goes,
I only want the light to light up,
I do not ask to the night
explanations,
I wait for it and it envelops me,
And so you, bread and light
And shadow are.

You came to my life
with what you were bringing,
made
of light and bread and shadow I expected you,
and Like this I need you,
Like this I love you,
and to those who want to hear tomorrow
that which I will not tell them, let them read it here,
and let them back off today because it is early
for these arguments.

Tomorrow we will only give them
a leaf of the tree of our love, a leaf
which will fall on the earth
like if it had been made by our lips
like a kiss which falls
from our invincible heights
to show the fire and the tenderness
of a true love.

Pablo Neruda, And Because Love Battles

Logorrhea: excessive talkativeness

2009-09-17T16:53:00.002-05:00

I don't really have a whole lot to update, but because I like to talk,specifically about me, my life, and my child, I figured it was about time to do some updating.

It turns out, I have NO common sense. At least not as far as my automobile is concerned. I'm surprised they don't find a way to kill themselves out of pure hatred for me and the life that I give them. I drive too fast, brake too much, and forget too often to do the little things to take care of them. This must in some way indicate why I don't have a boyfriend, but that's another blog for another day. In the last month, I have run out of gas TWICE and let my engine almost overheat to the point of blowing up. Alas, things have been taken care of and my car and I are again on good terms. For the time being.

I started reading another book ( insert insane eye-rolling from everyone I know). Still haven't finished anything from the summer and have added 5 casebooks to the load. And another book.

When You Are Engulfed in Flames by David Sedaris. I read the first 30 pages before Crim Pro on Tuesday. Go. Get. It. NOW.

Since Season Five of Grey's Anatomy came out on Tuesday, Brandi, Paige, and I have been watching in eager, almost tortured, anticipation of Season Six (which starts next Thursday). Not that I didn't already know this to be true about ALL television shows, but I have developed an almost irreversibly dillusional concept of the way life and love should play out because of this show in particular. It's bad for me.

Well, I guess that's all I have for now!

Increasingly Annoyed

2009-09-12T09:55:00.002-05:00

So, I started following the blog of a friend and it seems like everything that gets posted annoys me in some way. I think I need a vacation.

Insert Ironic Phrase About Blind Rage Here

2009-09-07T11:33:00.004-05:00

I have been sick all weekend. Virus, bacterial something-or-other, glued to the sofa, pounding headache, burning up then freezing, body ache, sleeping all day sick. ALL. WEEKEND. This just means I have had a lot of time to watch television. Too much time (as if there is such a thing). Today, I turned on TLC and Toddlers and Tiaras was on. And seeing as how this show drove me into a rageful, disgusted frenzy, this blog is sure to be disjointed, choppy, and hard to understand.

In what world is it okay for a 4 year old, A FOUR YEAR OLD, to go to the spa for 5 hours?!?! FIVE HOURS! Emily, who is described by her father as a "princess" (and by me as"spoiled brat"), was taken to the spa for a facial, manicure, pedicure, haircut, and a massage. You know, to destress the FOUR YEAR OLD. Maybe her life wouldn't be so stressful if her parents didn't dress her up like a prostitute and force her to parade around on stage for other people to judge. These people caked on make-up and sprayed enough Aqua Net on this poor child to double the size of the hole in the O-Zone layer. Then, her father made the statement, "We're not superficial. It's really not about the looks to us." UGH. And then, when the mother and Emily were running late, the mother reassured Emily that, "they will wait for us." That's right, go ahead and teach your child the valueable life lesson that the whole world is here to wait for you. And she wins. SHE FREAKING WINS.

Moving on. Rylen (I guess that's how she spells it. She'll probably make it easier for herself one day and just spell it C-A-N-D-Y at the club in 15 years). Rylen's mother allowed her to throw a temper tauntrum and roll herself up in the floor rug. And she just let her get away with being a brat. She, too, claims that it's not about "beauty." She didn't want to get too glitzy, so she just teased the hell out of her hair and only put on a little make-up. On a FOUR YEAR OLD. This child got 3rd runner-up. She was, in all honesty, a very pretty little girl. But, come on. Leave the poor child alone.

Ok, I'm going to stop because I could go on forever. I think we all know how I feel about it now anyway.

Update: Just heard the word "centerfold" used to describe an award given to a 7 year old. Just became physically ill.

It's Been One Week

2009-08-21T11:57:00.004-05:00

Fall semester started this week. I am taking 17 hours this fall -- Evidence, Con Law, International Law, Family Law, Criminial Procedure, and Law Review. We'll see how this goes. Beckett also started school this week. Miss Lacy (who he had last year) and Miss Shea are his teachers and Nate and Isabelle from last year are in his class again. He seems to really be enjoying himself and seems to be doing really well.

As far as the diet goes, I've done better this week! I have been stressed, but I managed to keep things in line. Exercise has been non-existent this week, but once I figure my schedule out, I'm sure that will all fall in line.

Come live with me and be my love,
And we will all the pleasures prove,
That valleys, groves, hills, and fields,
Woods, or steepy mountain yields.

And we will sit upon the rocks,
Seeing the shepherds feed their flocks,
By shallow rivers, to whose falls
Melodious birds sing madrigals.

And I will make thee beds of roses,
And a thousand fragrant posies,
A cap of flowers and a kirtle
Embroider'd all with leaves of myrtle:

A gown made of the finest wool,
Which from our pretty lambs we pull;
Fair lined slippers for the cold,
With buckles of the purest gold:

A belt of straw and ivy buds,
With coral clasps and amber studs;
And if these pleasures may thee move,
Come live with me and be my love.

The shepherd swains shall dance and sing
For thy delight each May morning;
If these delights thy mind may move,
Then live with me and be my love.

Christopher Marlowe,

The Passionate Shepherd to His Love

T-Minus 2 Years....

2009-08-17T07:54:00.003-05:00

Law school Round 2L starts this morning with Evidence at 10:00 am. Let's do this, Jones. I have a cute new bag and a cute new dress and a cute (?) new diet for the new year.

Breakfast:

6 slices of Turkey -- 45 cal.

Half a pickle -- 10 cal.

String Cheese -- 80 cal.

More updates to follow.

Shorty Got Lo, Lo, Lo, Lo, Lo, Lo, Lo (Mein)

2009-08-13T12:32:00.003-05:00

And by "shorty," I mean Beckett. We went to King Buffet today (best Chinese EVER) and, generally, B doesn't care for Chinese. I mean, he'll eat Sweet & Sour Chicken and the french fries, but that's about it. Until today, that is. He finally likes something Chinese -- Lo Mein. Awesome.

Also, CONGRATS Melissa and Justin! They are having a BOY! Welcome to the boy club. Here's what you have to look forward to:

(1) Beckett and I were outside coloring with his sidewalk chalk. I drew a picture of him and then asked him if he could draw a picture of me. And he did a great job with the face. He even gave me about 4 feet of hair. However, when I asked him if he could draw me a neck or a body, he looked at me, paused for a second, and then said, "You have a penis, right?" And then he drew a penis. In sidewalk chalk.

(2) He looked at My Buddy one day and said, "My penis is bigger than yours." My Buddy responded, "I don't think so." And Beckett said, "No, it definitely is."

So, congrats again :0)

Law School: Year Two starts on Monday. Come December, I will be half way through! Whoo hoo!

Reading Update: This summer I WAY overestimated how much time I was going to have to read. So I started 976 books. And none of them are finished. Some are closer than others. Here's the list so far:

(1) Tender is the Night -- F. Scott Fitzgerald

(2) Will in the World -- Stephen Greenblatt

(3) Sons and Lovers -- D.H. Lawrence

(4) Everything That Rises Must Converge -- Flannery O'Connor

(5) A Good Man is Hard to Find -- Flannery O'Connor

On top of that, I just bought a few more books:

(1) Invisible Monsters -- Chuck Palahniuk (Fight Club) I started reading this years ago, but, alas, my copy was lost in the Great Moving Disaster of 2005, in which I lost my entire book collection. So, I bought it again and I am reading it again. LOVE IT. I highly recommend it.

(2) American Lion -- Jon Meacham -- This is about Andrew Jackson. I haven't started it yet, but I have heard that it's great!

(3) A Confederacy of Dunces -- John Kennedy Toole -- Michael and Dan both begged me to read this, so I'm going to start it as soon as I finish one of the others! Promise!

"A room without books is like a body without a soul." - Marcus Tullius Cicero

If at First You Don't Succeed....

2009-08-06T16:20:00.003-05:00

Once upon a time, I had such grand plans to blog about diet and exercise (among other things). Well, did not so much happen. So, we will start again. Forget I ever mentioned it the first time :0)

Today, as ambitious as I was, was NOT a good day. I'm pretty sure "Corndog" is not a diet food. Somewhere, Jenny Craig is hanging her head in shame. If I'm being honest, it was 2 corndogs. And they were damn good, too. So, we will pick up again tomorrow. Maybe I'll actually eat the fruit and vegetables I bought.

"Success is rare and slow, everybody knows how quick and easy ruin is." -William Makepeace Thackeray, Vanity Fair

Dentists, Finals, and Shakespeare....Oh my!

2009-08-05T16:16:00.006-05:00

Today was a big day. Beckett has his first dentist appointment today! I know it sounds cliche, but I really can't believe that he is old enough to go to the dentist! They wouldn't let me go back with him (They say the children do better without their parents, and I tend to agree). He looked like such a big boy as he took the hygenist's hand and walked back to get his teeth cleaned. Allison came out to talk to me before she took him back. She was explaining to Beckett what she was going to be doing and he looked very apprehensive. Then he asked, "Am I going to be laying down?" She said, "Well, I'll lean you back a little bit." All of the sudden, his face lit up and he said, "Okay." He then grabbed her hand and practically dragged her back to the office. He is so funny about things that bother him.

Because they wouldn't let me go back with him, I don't have any of my own pictures to share. But they took a picture for me, which I will scan and post later!

Hope everyone is having a great day! Last final for the summer is in an hour and a half! Then 12 glorious days of vacation until Law School Round 2 starts. At least I will be half way finished by the end of this year!

No longer mourn for me when I am dead
Than you shall hear the surly sullen bell
Give warning to the world that I am fled
From this vile world with vilest worms to dwell.
Nay if you read this line, remember not
The hand that writ it, for I love you so
That I in your sweet thoughts would be forgot
If thinking on me then should make you woe.
O, if, I say, you look upon this verse,
When I perhaps compounded am with clay,
Do not so much as my poor name rehearse,
But let your love even with my life decay,
Lest the wise world should look into your moan
And mock you with me after I am gone.

-William Shakespeare, Sonnet 71

Tuesday's the Day to Roll the Dice.

2009-08-04T11:42:00.003-05:00

It's been a while since I've written anything and, frankly, there's not much to share right now. Beckett and I are enjoying the last few days of summer before we both start school (on August 17th for me and the 18th for him).

15 Meaningful Books

*I was tagged in this note on Facebook, so I thought I'd add it here, too.

Don't take too long to think about it.

Fifteen books you've read that will always stick with you. First fifteen you can recall in no more than 15 minutes.

Tag 15 friends, including me because I'm interested in seeing what books my friends choose (as well as pick up suggestions for my reading list).

To do this, go to your Notes tab on your profile page, paste rules in a new note, cast your 15 picks, and tag people in the note - upper right hand side). I will not be offended if you don't play.

___________________________________________________________________________________

(1) The Fountainhead -- Ayn Rand
(2) Dry -- Augusten Burroughs
(3) A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius -- Dave Eggers
(4) Night -- Elie Wiesel
(5) Letters From Rifka -- Karen Hess
(6) Loose Woman -- Sandra Cisneros
(7) The House on Mango Street -- Sandra Cisneros
(8) Lady Chatterley's Lover -- D.H. Lawrence
(9) Twelfth Night -- William Shakespeare
(10)A Doll's House -- Henrik Ibsen
(11) Breakfast of Champions -- Kurt Vonnegut
(12) The Handmaid's Tale -- Margaret Atwood
(13) Catcher in the Rye -- J.D. Salinger
(14) Everything That Rises Must Converge -- Flannery O'Connor
(15) Gone With the Wind -- Margaret Mitchell

Anyone who knows me, knows that I LOVE to read. I tend to find something to love in most books that I read, but these are 15 that are particularly special to me.

In law school news, I had one final last night and the other is on Wednesday. Eh. That's really all I have to say about that. But in happy law school news, I made LAW REVIEW! The paper I turned in was not my favorite that I've written, but I guess it was enough :0)

Okay, back to to studying. Is it bad that when I have to study, B watches TV and eats popcorn for lunch? I didn't think so.

I Wish I was as Cool as Beckett Thinks I Am...

2009-07-17T16:43:00.005-05:00

....because that would be great! I'd be super talented.

He's been such a sweetheart today. I have a paper due at 5 o'clock tomorrow and, quel suprise, it is NOT EVEN CLOSE to being finished. So, I asked him what movie he wanted to watch (the committee's been behind...when can I expect my "Mom of the Year" trophy to finally get here?) while I worked on my paper. And, of course, he said Beauty and the Beast (he could not be more like me). And every time Belle sings a song he asks me, no, demands, that I "sing with it. Sing like she does!". When I try to explain to him that one day he is going to need to be

able to hear, so maybe I shouldn't sing, he replies, "But you sound like her and I like it. Now sing!". And yes, delusion does run in the family.

While I'm procrastinating, I may as well say a few more things about Beckett...

Favorite Foods: CORNDOGS. Hotdogs, too, for that matter. He still, however, LOVES fruit (strawberries especially) and most vegetables. Pizza, of course, he is 3. Chicken nuggets and peanut butter and jelly are usual sure to please. And fried chicken. But ONLY if he can eat it "off the bone."

Favorite TV Shows/Movies: He loves to watch Curious George, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, and Imagination Movers. He will watch anything that is animated, so I have to really keep tabs on him or he'll turn on the TV and find something

himself. He LOVES Beauty and the Beast, An American Tail (which according to him is about "Bivel"), Pinocchio, and Finding Nemo. And he is NOT a fan of Aladdin or The Lion King, much to my dismay. We are actually watching Beauty and the Beast right now, and B just got mad because the Beast was no longer a beast.

Favorite Books: Much like me, Beckett loves to read. He loves ALL Little Critter books by Mercer Mayer. He also loves the Franklin books (by Paulette Bourgeois) and any book about Arthur (by Marc Brown). Of the Dr. Seuss

books, The Lorax is his favorite (and mine!). He probably has over 200 books

and will let you read any of them to him, but some more than others. He has memorized Good Night, Moon and David Gets in Trouble and parts of countless other books.

About Beckett: He is super curious about everything and his favorite thing to say is still, "Why?" or "What is that?" He is very sweet and loving, but is ALL boy. He loves to play outside on the new "trubhouse" (clubhouse) that My Buddy just built him. He is his grandfather's little shadow. Whatever My Buddy does, wherever My Buddy goes, B is right behind him. He is strong-willed and very much a 3-year-old these days, but he knows when to stop trying to push my buttons. He has a memory like a steel trap. He literally remembers EVERYTHING.

Well, I guess that's all for now. Back to law school.....

What CaseNote?

2009-07-14T23:27:00.002-05:00

What's he that wishes so?

My cousin Westmorland? No, my fair cousin.

If we are marked to die, we are enough

To do our country loss; and if to live,

The fewer men, the greater share of honor.

God's will, I pray thee, wish not one man more.

By Jove, I am not covetous for gold,

Nor care I who feed doth upon my cost;

It yearns me not if men my garments wear;

Such outward things dwell not in my desires.

But if it be a sin to covet honor

I am the most offending soul alive.

No, faith, my coz, wish not a man from England.

God's peace, I would not lose so great an honor

As one man more, methinks, would share from me

For the best hope I have. Oh, do not wish one more!

Rather proclaim it, Westmorland, through my host

That he which hath no stomach in this fight,

Let him depart; his passport shall be made

And crowns for convoy put into his purse.

We would not die in that man's company

That fears his fellowship to die with us.

This day is called the Feast of Crispian.

He that outlives this day and comes safe home

Will stand a-tiptoe when this day is named

And rouse him at the name of Crispian.

He that shall see this day and live old age

Will yearly on the vigil feast his neighbors

And say, "Tomorrow is Saint Crispian."

Then he will strip his sleeve and show his scars,

And say, "These wounds I had on Crispian's Day."

Old men forget; yet all shall be forgot,

But he'll remember with advantages

What feats he did that day. Then shall our names,

Familiar in his mouth as household words --

Harry the King, Bedford and Exeter,

Warwick and Talbot, Salisbury and Gloucester --

Be in their flowing cups freshly remembered.

This story shall the good man teach his son;

And Crispin Crispian shall ne'er go by,

From this day to the ending of the world,

But we in it shall be remembered --

We few, we happy few, we band of brothers.

For he today that sheds his blood with me

Shall be my brother; be he ne'er so vile,

This day shall gentle his condition.

And gentlemen in England now abed

Shall think themselves accursed they were not here,

And hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks

That fought with us upon Saint Crispian's Day.

-William Shakespeare, The Life of King Henry the Fifth

VI.iii.18-67

Picture & Poetry Monday

2009-07-06T18:36:00.014-05:00

...Some more pictures that make me happy and one poem.

I do not love you except because I love you;
I go from loving to not loving you,
From waiting to not waiting for you
My heart moves from cold to fire.

I love you only because it's you the one I love;
I hate you deeply, and hating you
Bend to you, and the measure of my changing love for you
Is that I do not see you but love you blindly.

Maybe January light will consume
My heart with its cruel
Ray, stealing my key to true calm.

In this part of the story I am the one who
Dies, the only one, and I will die of love because I love you,
Because I love you, Love, in fire and blood.

-Pablo Neruda

Long Day's Journey Into Night...

2009-07-01T16:02:00.004-05:00

Roy Lichtenstein

The Melody Haunts My Reverie

Stuart Davis

Swing Landscape
...TOday has been SUCH a long day, SUCH a depressing day. In a vain attempt to cheer myself up (or get over myself), here are some things that make me smile.

Random Pictures

2009-06-30T15:58:00.003-05:00

My Sweet B

This picture is pretty old, but I still heart it.

I Get By With a Little Help From My Friends

2009-06-26T10:05:00.003-05:00

Ladies and gentlemen, we have our first imaginary friend. So far, all I know about her is that her name is Miss Pam Pam, she lives far away, and she likes to swim. And, in my mind, she's British.

Update: While we were swimming, Beckett called sunscreen "studscreen." Precious.

If It's Not One Thing It's the Other.

2009-06-11T07:05:00.002-05:00

Well, exercise has turned out to be much easier than I thought. Well, at least wanting to exercise has been. However, it is SO hard for me to want to change my diet. Every couple of months I tell myself I am going to try and be healthier, and I will. For about 3 days. Which is exactly what is going on now. I have been doing cardio and weights and all that jazz for at least an hour everyday for the last 2 weeks. But I cannot seem to want to put down the Mexican Pizza (damn you, Taco Bell...).

B is going back to Memorial today. He will go twice a week (Tuesday & Thursday) this summer. He is so excited. I was always worried that he would be that weird kid that had no friends, but the opposite is true. He has made a lot of friends and he talks about them constantly! He is so ready to see Nate and Tate and Isabelle and Bella this summer!

And it turns out he is much more symapthetic and nicer than me (something's going right, lol). We were at Shakespeare yesterday and we were feeding the ducks and turtles and fish. I threw a piece to a teeny tiny baby turtle. Beckett asked me why I did that. I told him it was because he was smaller than the other turtles and ducks and they were hogging all the bread and I wanted the baby to get food, too. Well, no sooner had they words come out of my mouth than a fish came up and took the baby turtle's piece of bread. I pointed that out to Beckett and he said, "Well, that's not right. I'll give him another piece." It was really sweet.

I Can Say These Things Because I'm the Mama

2009-06-07T22:16:00.002-05:00

I have to brag about my sweet B for a second. He is 3 and some change (his birthday was March 14th) and he continues to AMAZE us. He knows normal things like ABC's, colors, can count to about 25, and loves music and reading. Also, he knows tons of opposites. My Mom, who teaches K5, says some of her students don't even understand opposites. So far, he knows these:

Full/Empty

Front/Behind

Up/Down

Correct/Wrong

Right/Left

Under/Over

Night/"Nornin" (Morning)

Dark/Light

Hot/Cold

Tall/Short

Big/Little

Many/Few

Stop/Go

Fast/Slow

Clean/Dirty

We are trying to teach him fast, faster, fastest and the like. Here is our conversation the other day:

Me: Beckett, what comes next: big, bigger...

Beckett: My Buddy

Me: No, biggest. How about this: tall, taller....

Beckett: Uncle T

Me: Ok, let's try one more. Fast, faster...

Beckett: ME!

Also, he's got an incredile memory. He is really good at the game Memory and you can tell him something once and he will NOT forget. And, he can do simple addition and subtraction. He knows that 2 + 1=3; 2+3=5; 2-1=1, etc. So, his capacity to do math has surpassed his mother's. I don't mean to be one of "those" Moms, but I never knew how amazing it was going to be to be able to watch as someone learns those things we take for granted that we know. It is astounding and humbling that I get to be a part of it!

The Second Verse, Same as the First...

2009-06-07T22:01:00.003-05:00

For the 45,378,274th time, I am starting a whole diet/exercise kick. I figure if I write about it on the blog, then maybe I'll actually stick with it :). Well, that's the plan at least. I'm not going to say how much I weigh right now, or what my measurements are, but I will post updates. So, now you have to help keep me in line.

On the reading front, I have started three books. I always do this and it ends up taking much longer than it should to finish one because I'm trying to read 3 or more at once. Here's what they are:

(1) Tender is the Night by F. Scott Fitzgerald. I hated, I mean hated, The Great Gatsby, but I loved The Beautiful and the Damned, I thought I'd give Fitz another go. So far, this is my favorite Fitzgerald so far.

(2) Misquoting Jesus: The Story Behind Who Changed the Bible and Why by Bart D. Ehrman. This book is very interesting and really makes you think. I would recommend it to EVERYONE.

(3) Will in the World: How Shakespeare Became Shakespeare by Stephen Greenblatt. Anyone who knows me knows how much I adore Shakespeare and how my idea of a party trick is reciting Richard's opening monologue from Richard III (one of my favorites). Since not much is actually known about Shakespeare's life, this book relies on a lot of speculation (educated speculation, but speculation nonetheless). But what Greenblatt presents is wonderful.

June 3, 2009: Part Two

2009-06-03T22:18:00.002-05:00

Part One dealt with reading and exercise, while this post deals with law school. I got the shock of a lifetime today -- I got best paper in Criminal Law! I am so proud of myself, especially since I didn't think it had gone that well at all. Okay, I had intended for this to be longer, but that's really all I had to say!

Oh, books on my current reading list:

(1) Sybil by Flora Rheta Schreier

(2) The Origin of Species and The Descent of Man by Charles Darwin

(3) Scientology: The Fundamentals of Thought by L. Ron Hubbard

(4) The Iceman Cometh by Eugene O'Neill

(5) The Phantom of the Opera by Gaston Leroux

(6) Will in the World: How Shakespeare Became Shakespeare by Stephen Greenblatt

(7) The World of Rome by Micheal Grant

(8) A Doll's House and Other Plays by Henrik Ibsen

(9) Sons and Lovers by D.H. Lawrence

(10) Goodbye, Columbus by Philip Roth

June 3, 2009: Part One

2009-06-03T21:43:00.004-05:00

One day, two blogs -- only because they are about vastly different things. This one is going to be about reading & exercise.

Reading: Right now I am reading Tender is the Night by F. Scott Fitzgerald. Here are some of my favorite quotes from it so far:

He gets the title from Ode to a Nightingale by John Keats:

" Already with thee! tender is the night...

...But here there is no light,

Save what from heaven is with the breezes blown

Through vendurous glooms and winding mossy ways."

"He seemed kind and charming -- his voice promised that he would take care of her, and that a little later he would open up whole new worlds for her, unroll an endless succession of magnificent possibilities."

"Maybe we'll have more fun this summer but this particular fun is over. I want it to die violently instead of fading out sentimentally -- that's why I gave this party."

"When you're older you'll know what people who love suffer. The agony. It's better to be cold and young than to love. It's happened to me before, but never like this -- so accidental -- just when everything was going well."

"Later she remembered all the hours of the afternoon as happy -- one of those uneventful times that seem at the moment only a link between past and future pleasure, but turn out to have been the pleasure itself."

"So many people are going to love you and it might be nice to meet your first love all intact, emotionally, too. That's an old-fashioned idea, isn't it?"

"Tell a secret over the radio, publish it in a tabloid, but never tell it to a man that drinks more than three or four a day."

Exercise: I have been so proud of myself this week. I can always justify not exercising, but I have been very good this week! I have walked with Beckett for at least an hour every day and I have also been riding my bicycle at night. More updates later!

Tender is the Afternoon

2009-05-30T15:03:00.002-05:00

Beckett went down for a nap around 1:30 this afternoon, and since then, I have done nothing, and it has been fantastic. Well, I read some more of Tender is the Night, listened to some Edith Piaf and Ray LaMontagne, and g chatted with P. Lovely.

And, I went for a 30 minute-ish bike ride last night, and this morning B and I went on an hour-long walk. I am so glad the eather is finally nice, humid, but nice.

It is a damn shame that classes have start back (at least for Brandi, Caitlin, & me) on Monday. But, on the bright side, they are night classes, so I'll still be able to enjoy my days with B!

...And Expands Again

2009-05-27T22:05:00.002-05:00

Caitlin and I went to Trade-N-Books (at least I think that's what it's called) and I got tons o' books. I can't remember all of them, but here are a few I picked up:

A Selection of Plays by Henrik Ibsen
Some crazy book about Scientology
Origin of Species by Charles Darwin
Sons and Lovers by D.H. Lawrence
Struck and White's Elements of Style (this is a replacement, I lost mine years ago)
A book about Roman history

That's only about half of what I got and I could not be more excited.

In law school news, I have made a B+ in Torts, Contracts, Property, and Criminal Law! Turns out studying your ass off does tend to pay off :0)

The Library Expands Again...

2009-05-25T23:47:00.002-05:00

...I love a break from school for one VERY important reason -- it gives me time to read for pleasure! (And I think we ALL know how much I love to read...)

Reading List (for now, sure to be updated soon!):

Everything That Rise Must Converge -- Flannery O'Connor

A Good Man is Hard to Find -- Flannery O'Connor

Tender is the Night -- F. Scott Fitzgerald

He is Hysterical & Doesn't Even Know It.

2009-05-24T16:33:00.003-05:00

This conversation took place a month or two back, but it is SO good it must be recounted here:

Boo: "Beckett, what do Mama's friends call her?"

Beckett: "Betsi."

Me: "What do Boo's friends call her?"

Beckett: "Jodi."

Boo: "What do My Buddy's friends call him?"

Beckett: (thinks for a minute) "My Buddy doesn't have any friends."

And B also walked up to my car, pointed at the word "Volvo," and said, "That says 'Betsi's car.'"

Never boring with that one around :0)

Holla back 1L

2009-05-22T10:52:00.001-05:00

So, I have 1 grade back -- B+ in Contracts. Not as good as last semester (A-), but MUCH better than I thought I would do, so I'm okay with it!

T-minus One Day.....

2009-05-10T15:59:00.002-05:00

One day until the Contracts final. And I think I may actually have this down. MAY...

When your eyes are tired

the world is tired also.

When your vision is gone

no part of the world can find you.

Time to go into the dark

where the night has eyes

to recognize its own.

There you can be sure

you are not beyond love.

The dark will be you womb

tonight.

The night will give you a horizon

further than you can see.

You must learn one thing:

the world was made to be free in.

Give up all other worlds

except the one to which you belong.

Sometimes its takes the darkness and the sweet

confinement of your aloneness

to learn

Anything or anyone

that does not bring you alive

Is too small for you.

-David Whyte, Sweet Darkness

Suicide is Painless (as least in Law School)

2009-05-08T23:22:00.004-05:00

This is for my Legally B, who I love and adore and who needs to pack up her suicidal thoughts (purely law school driven and not serious, but we've all been there, so completely understandable) and KNOW that everything works out in the end. If it's not working out, then it's NOT the end! I love you, B!

Out of the night that covers me,

Black as the Pit from pole to pole,

I thank whatever gods may be,

For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance

I have not winced nor cried aloud.

Under the bludgeonings of chance

My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of Wrath and Tears,

Looms but the Horror of the shade,

And yet the menace of the years,

Finds, and shall find me, unafraid.

It matters not how straight the gate,

How charged with Punishments the scroll,

I am the master of my fate,

I am the captain of my soul.

-William Ernest Henley, Invictus

Card After Card

2009-05-05T22:26:00.003-05:00

So, we just made up a Property song to the tune of "Time after Time" called "Card After Card." My brain as ALMOST lost the ability to function. ALMOST. I hit the world's BIGGEST study wall today. Good thing there are 5 more days until Contracts.

Oh, and I'm down with BFP, yeah you know me......

If You Think It Long and Mad...

2009-05-04T21:47:00.004-05:00

Because Neruda is infinitely better than Criminal Law and Torts. Well, almost better than anything for that matter. I can only take so much product liability and criminally negligent homicide in one day...

I want you to know

one thing.

You know how this is:
if I look
at the crystal moon, at the red branch
of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch
near the fire
the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists,
aromas, light, metals,
were little boats
that sail
toward those isles of yours that wait for me.

Well, now,
if little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.

If suddenly
you forget me
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.

If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners
that passes through my life,
and you decide
to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
remember
that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off
to seek another land.

But
if each day,
each hour,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine.

-Pablo Neruda, If You Forget Me

Unstable, Vacillating, Unsettled, Wavering...

2009-05-04T03:53:00.003-05:00

Because it's 3:52 a.m. and Civ Pro is FINISHED and because I have had 34 Red Bulls, Rockstars, Monsters, etc. and because Beckett danced around naked on the fireplace earlier singing, "My penis and my butt," and because going to sleep now is futile, here is some Shelley.

We are as clouds that veil the midnight moon;

How restlessly they speed, and gleam, and quiver,

Streaking the darkness radiantly! -- yet soon

Night closes round, and they are lost for ever:

Or like forgotten lyres, whose dissonant strings

Give various response to each varying blast,

To whose frail frame no second motion brings

One mood or modulation like the last.

We rest. -- A dream has power to poison sleep;

We rise. -- One wandering thought pollutes the day;

We feel, conceive or reason, laugh or weep;

Embrace fond woe, or cast our cares away:

It is the same! -- For, be it joy or sorrow,

The path of its departure still is free:

Man's yesterday may ne'er be like his morrow;

Nought may endure but Mutability.

-Percy Bysshe Shelley, Mutability (1816)

This Civ Pro Book My Prison

2009-05-03T08:08:00.003-05:00

This week has been crazy and it's only going to get worse in the upcoming 17 days. 17 days....that is all that stands between me and 2L! Hells yes. I do, however, think that Civ Pro is going to be the death of me. International Shoe, Byrd, minimum contacts, joinder, impleader, interpleader.......

"Well, they are gone, and here must I remain,

This lime-tree bower my prison! I have lost

Beauties and feelings, such as would have been

Most sweet to my remembrance even when age

Had dimmed my eyes to blindness! They, meanwhile,

Friends, whom I never more may meet again,

On springy heath, along the hill-top edge,

Wander in gladness, and wind down, perchance,

To that still roaring dell, of which I told."

-Samuel Taylor Coleridge, from This Lime-Tree Bower My Prison

A Little Bit of Harry in the Night...

2009-04-30T01:27:00.001-05:00

I know you all and will awhile uphold
The unyoked humor of your idleness.
Yet herein will I imitate the sun,
Who doth permit the base contagious clouds
To smother up his beauty from the world,
That when he please again to be himself,
Being wanted he may be more wondered at
By breaking through the foul and ugly mists
Of vapors that did seem to strangle him.
If all the year were playing holidays,
To sport would be as tedious as to work;
But when they seldom come, they wished-for-come,
And nothing pleaseth but rare accidents.
So when this loose behavior I throw off
And pay the debt I never promised,
By how much better than my word I am,
By so much shall I falsify men’s hopes;
And like bright metal on a sullen ground,
My reformation, glitt’ring o’er my fault,
Shall show more goodly and attract more eyes
Than that which have no foil to set it off.
I’ll so offend to make offense a skill,
Redeeming time when men think least I will.
-Shakespeare, Henry IV, Part I: I.ii.189-211

Shakespeare keeps me from choking someone during finals.

Because The Golden Girls and Maude Rock My Face Off

2009-04-26T20:37:00.004-05:00

R.I.P. Bea Arthur....

...From DListed.com:

Bea Arthur really did tango off to heaven yesterday. My soul is still weeping. Mostly because it hit me out of nowhere. And also, Bea was a true talent in every sense of the phrase. The simple fact is that Bea just wanted to entertain and didn't give ten shits about being famous. A born performer who didn't take herself too seriously. There really aren't many like her left.
Yesterday, both Betty White and Rue McClanahan released statements about the passing of their friend.

Betty told ET, "I knew it would hurt, I just didn't know it would hurt this much.. I'm so happy that she received her Lifetime Achievement Award while she was still with us, so she could appreciate that. She was such a big part of my life. I have dearly loved her for a very long time. How lucky I was to know her."

Rue told Radar, "Thirty-seven years ago she showed me how to be very brave in comedy. I'll miss that courage and I'll miss that voice."

I'll miss her voice too. It always lulled me to sleep. I raised a dozen glasses to her last night and I'll raise a dozen more today!

Seriously, so much better than studying. I just spent 45 minutes making cover pages for my outlines to keep from making the actual outlines themselves. That's dedication, folks.

Russian Roulette is Not the Same Without a Gun

2009-04-26T08:28:00.006-05:00

What started out as a joke has slowly become a sad, sad addiction...

I'm making breakfast for the Sunday School class as we speak. This could be very, very bad.

In law school news, ladies, I am finishing the Property outline tonight. Well, at least that's the plan. And I think we all know how plans work out for me. Kind of like that time I planned not to murder my entire SS class, but then I cooked and things took a turn for the worse. It's a little like that.

Get a load of this:
Beckett: "Uncle T, why you cut you hair?"
Taylor: "Why? Do you not like it?"
Beckett: "Uncle T, why you cut you hair?"
Taylor:"Why? Do you not like it?"
Beckett: "No. I like it sticking up."
-Beckett's critique of Taylor's decision to shave his head this week.

For I have known them all already, known them all:--
Have known the evenings, mornings, afternoons,
I have measured out my life with coffee spoons;
I know the voices dying with a dying fall
Beneath the music from a farther room.
So how should I presume?
-T.S. Eliot, The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock

-Oh, and the title means nothing, I just really heart Lady Gaga these days.

Happy Poetry Month! (and other things that keep me from studying)

2009-04-23T18:20:00.003-05:00

There's a poem in my head
like too many cups of coffee.
A pea under twenty eiderdowns.
A saddness in my heart like stone.
A telephone. And always my
Night madness that outs like bats
across this Texas sky.

I'm the crazy lady they warned you about
The she of rumor talked about -
and worse, who talks.

It's not secret.
I'm here. Under a cricle of light.
The light always on, resisting a glass,
an easy cigar. The kind

who reels the twilight sky.
Swoop circling.
I'm witch woman high
on tobacco and holy water.

I'm a woman delighted with her disasters.
They give me something to do.
A profession of sorts.
Keeps me industrious
And of a servicable use.

In dreams the origami of the brain
Opens like a fist, a pomegranate,
an expensive geometry.

Not true.
I haven't a clue
Why I'm rumpled tonight.

Choose your weapon.
Mine -- the telephone, my tongue.
Both black as a gun.

I have the magic of words,
the power to charm and kill at will.
To kill myself or to aim haphazardly.
And kill you.
-Sandra Cisneros, Night Madness Poem

April is Poetry Month. I know I'm a little late, but it's still April, so it counts. Not that anyone reading this blog has time to read, but if you find yourself wanting something good to read, I suggest The House on Mango Street by Sandra Cisneros. Amazing.

In other, infinitely more horrendous and miserable news, the Property outline is giving me a headache. A very large headache. Maybe gin will cure it.

And in "Check yourself before you wreck yourself" news, Beckett has taken to saying this on the regular. And he's added a sassy hip shake. As if to say, "You really better check yourself, fool." One more piece of evidence mounting that will prove that he is me in every way possible. Sorry, world.

27 Days Until the End of 1L Hell...

2009-04-22T21:46:00.002-05:00

...Crim Law outline = DONE AND DONE!

Now, on to Property. MacLeod, take mercy on my soul.

On to happier things...

"I sometimes have a queer feeling with regard to you--especially when you are near me, as now: it is as if I had a string somewhere under my left ribs, tightly and inextricably knotted to a similar string situated in the corresponding quarter of your little frame. And if that boisterous channel, and two hundred miles or so of land come broad between us, I am afraid that cord of communion will be snapt; and then I've a nervous notion I should take to bleeding inwardly. And as for you, you'd forget me." - Charlotte Bronte, Jane Eyre

Well, not that happy. But I love it.

Does He Really Never Forget?

2009-04-22T18:19:00.000-05:00

This is so much better than working on my Criminal Law outline, by the way.

This morning, I was taking Beckett to school. The last time I took him (his Uncle T usually does this because B and I both start school at 9), I used the water in conjunction with the windshield wipers. And nothing gets past this child. So, he asked me to turn on the water. Steel-trap mind, this one. But, that is NOT what he was talking about. He proceeded to recount to me the time, back in February, that I acidentally flooded the sink in my bathroom, and then my bathroom itself. THEN, the water started pouring, Niagra Falls style, through the floor and out of the ceiling onto the floor of the living room. Now, this happened around, oh, 11:30 p.m. Beckett didn't actually witness any of this. But he remembers being told about it, and that it enough. Is this child ever going to let me get away with anything?

In other news, Beckett can now say, "You better check yourself before you wreck yourself." Mom of the Year, people, Mom of the Year. I thinkI must be a shoo-in.

And if you got the title reference, I will love you forever!

i love you much (most beautiful darling)

2009-04-19T17:45:00.002-05:00

i love you much(most beautiful darling)

more than anyone on the earth and i

like you better than everything in the sky

-sunlight and singing welcome your coming

although winter may be everywhere
with such a silence and such a darkness

noone can quite begin to guess

(except my life)the true time of year

-and if what calls itself a world should have

the luck to hear such singing(or glimpse such

sunlight as will leap higher than high

through gayer than gayest someone's heart at your each

nearness)everyone certainly would(my

most beautiful darling)believe in nothing but love

-e.e. cummings

Congratulations, E and Trey! We had a great time at their wedding this weekend! Sadly, I am still sore from breaking it down at the Brew Pub Friday night after the rehearsal dinner. Aside from the fact that I got in a wreck on Friday around noon, it was a great weekend.

Has Friday Ever Been So Welcome

2009-04-17T07:03:00.001-05:00

Ok, so the question mark button on my laptop stopped working (Thanks, Toshiba).

It is finally Friday. And mine started hysterically because I have a 3-year-old. I was drying my hair and reading Property this morning and Beckett busted in my room. He was holding 2 yellow Peeps in his hand (mind you, it's 6:57 AM -- Mom of the Year, folks). He starts chowing down on them and I turned off my hair dryer to day something to him. Well, my music was on on my computer, and when I shut off the dryer, he heard it. He stopped dead in his tracks, mouth and hands full of Peeps, broke into a dance for about 3 seconds, and then continued towards me, as if nothing had happened.

And if you are wondering if this whole blog is going to be about Beckett and law school, law school and Beckett, I hate to break it to you, but it will be. I don't do anything else. :0)

On a happy note, T-minus 28 days until the end of 1L!

Holy April, Batman!

2009-04-16T23:26:00.000-05:00

Hillary, this is all for you.

Beckett told me that we couldn't be friends today because, as he states it, "You are Batman."

Yeah, that got said. To me. By my 3-year-old. I heart him.